#wait maybe i didn’t i knew bryan was on the board but maybe i never realised dave was

[charmac]

[somedayonbroadway]

Could you do “The Little Mermaid (Sprace)”?

I am so stoked for this one!!!!!

The Little Mermaid (Sprace) AU

Characters

Racetrack Higgins (Tylilleprins) — Ariel

Spot Conlon — Prince Eric

Jack Kelly (Jaqeleder) — Sebastian

Alberd DaSilva (Alberdybhav) — Flounder

Bryan Denton (Brydenbeskyttelse) — King Triton

William Snyder (Snydehavheks) — Ursula

Medda Larkin — Carlotta

The Delancey Brothers (Osvraggods and Mostrandingsgods) — Flotsam and Jetsam

Mermaid colors:

Race has a blue tail.

Jack’s tail is green.

Al’s is an orange-red

Denton’s is like navy blue

Oscar’s tail is dark dark green, almost black

Morris’s is dark red

Snyder’s is a cecaelia (half human, half octopus) but his color is purple. Obviously.

Okay, so this AU actually takes place in modern day. Spot is the son of a very rich man who is practically royalty in Manhattan and basically lives the life of a prince.

Anyways,

Race, a fifteen year old merman with the birth name of Tylilleprins, is a prince of Atlantica in the Atlantic Ocean. He is the youngest prince, second only to his big brother Jaqeleder who he calls Jack. They speak their own mermadian language (in my head it is made up of small clicking sounds, almost sounding like purrs mixed with dolphin sounding noises and sometimes and some actual vocal words). His father, Brydenbeskyttelse, is the king (yes he has a very long name. It’s shorter in mermaidian).

Race is fascinated by the human world. Him and his best friend Alberdybhav (Albie) often go off to explore sunken ships and swim as far up to the surface as they can before Jack catches them.

Jack catches them a lot.

Al doesn’t always go with Race willingly. Race often drags him along on adventures even though it is forbidden by the king to go to the surface.

The king and the older prince of the sea have their reasons to hate the human world, but Race does not, so he has this curiosity that Jack warns him time and time again is very dangerous. He doesn’t heed Jack’s warnings.

One day, Race and Al eventually make it to the surface and hide behind seaweed and small rocks of the ocean while they get closer and closer to shore, gazing at the beach. He catches sight of a boy, about his age, maybe a little older, getting ready to go surfing with some friends. Of course, Race and Al have no idea what the boys are doing.

Eventually, Al says something that makes Race remember something.

They were supposed to be at a party in which Jack was being presented as the kingdom’s next leader. When they get back, Jack’s already mad at him, but is even more worried about him. When he finds out where Race was, he swims away and shuts Race out for a little while so their father can lecture Race about going to the surface, grounding him as he’s yelling at his youngest son.

Race and Jack had always been close, despite being at odds a lot of the time. Jack is extremely protective of Race, often shooing off potential suitresses and suitors who are after the crown. He tells Race he’s too naive to be in a relationship because there will be a lot of merpeople out there who are after him for status and power.

Race doesn’t mind that Jack is protective of him, though sometimes it breaks his heart that so many people he finds himself interested in are using him.

He doesn’t like that Jack won’t let him up to the surface.

What Race doesn’t know is that Jack hates the human world because he witnessed the humans murder their mother when Race was only a baby. Jack and her had been playing up near the surface at sunset and a group of fishermen spotted them. To protect her son, their mother pushed Jack behind a buoy and tried to swim away, drawing attention to herself and away from Jack. He watched them shoot her with something to slow her down and drag her up onto their boat with a net. She screamed for him to swim away so Jack did. They tried to shoot him too but they only grazed his chin. It’s how Jack got the scar that’s there.

After Race misses Jack’s party, their father persuades Jack to keep an even closer eye on the kid, trying to get Jack to forgive his little brother and somehow Jack ends up following Race and Al to the surface where he tries to literally drag the boys back down to the castle. But he hides behind a large stone when he finds that Race is watching some surfers.

Jack starts to get a little bit more frantic when he realizes how close they are to the shore. But they can’t swim away without someone seeing them.

Eventually, Jack finds that Race is infatuated with one of the boys in particular. They watch him for a long time until the boy is out there alone, riding waves until he wipes out, hitting his head on his board and falling under water.

Race’s reaction is immediate as he dives to save the boy from drowning. Jack screams at him to come back, forcing Al to swim away as he chases Race who doesn’t listen to him at all.

Race swims the stranger back to shore, taking in the sight of him and falling in love with him immediately. He talks to the boy, but to humans their language sounds like song above the water, while below the water it just sounds like ticking and dolphin noises (In some myths I believe Sirens, not mermaids but still, sound like song above the water and screeching under the water).

But when the boy starts to wake up, Jack grabs Race and panics, dragging him back under the sea before the boy can fully see the person who saved his life.

Spot Conlon is the son of a rich business owner. His father is rarely around, leaving him with a lot of butlers and maids to keep him company in his mansion that he practically lives in alone. He has a few friends from school, Hot Shot, Kid Blink and Rafaela. He loves to spend most of his time with them at the beach.

His mother used to tell him that he’d live in the ocean one day. That is, before she left them for another man. Regardless, Spot loves the ocean.

He has a tattoo on his arm of a mermaids tail along with a seashell on the back of his shoulder. His father technically paid for them, but he doesn’t know that. Spot gets them out of spite. He knew he was supposed to be a perfect child, but he hated that.

Anyway, he goes out surfing with his friends on his birthday. They all leave by sunset, but he stays a little longer, not wanting to go home to an empty house.

He loses his footing on his board and hits his head, going under.

He wakes up for a moment, hearing someone singing sweetly. He can see bright blue eyes above him before he goes unconscious again.

When he wakes up later, he’s in his bed with a doctor hovering over him as Miss Medda, the head of staff at his mansion, worrying over him like she always does.

Spot begs to know who saved him but Medda tells him he got washed to shore by the tide. Spot tries to explain that there was a boy that saved him and sang to him, but Medda tells him he must’ve been dreaming.

Spot promises himself he’ll find the boy who saved him.

Meanwhile, Jack is scolding Race for making contact with a human before Brydenbeskyttelse finds them and scares Jack by asking them where they were. Jack gets skittish and eventually manages to cover for Race, not wanting to get in trouble himself. But he quickly finds that Race is still curious about the boy he saved and the human world in general. Before he can try to talk to Race about it, his brother is gone, off being completely lovestruck.

Al teases Race and tries to figure out who made such an impression on his friend before realizing it was the human he’d saved. He gets a little nervous and Jack tries to talk Race down, eventually following Race to a small grotto filled with things from the human world. Race doesn’t seem to mind at first that Jack is there. In fact, he seems happy that his brother finally gets to see his collection.

Jack is horrified.

He doesn’t want to, but he tells their father.

The King is furious, scolding Jack before finding the grotto and frightening his youngest son. Race tries to explain to him that these things won’t hurt anybody, but Brydenbeskyttelse destroys everything within his sight with his trident. Jack is horrified by this too, trying to calm his father down, but only getting screamed at in response.

In case anyone was wondering: Race calls Brydenbeskyttelse “Daddy” because he literally is Ariel and he’s the baby and he loves that and his father had never gotten this angry at him before.

Their father leaves and Jack tries to apologize, trying to tell Race he was only trying to keep him safe, but Race would yell at him to go away, scaring Jack and Al who had unintentionally watched the entire exchange. Race ends up breaking down on the floor of his grotto, feeling alone and betrayed by his brother who he trusted more than anyone else in the world.

What he didn’t know is that he’d been watched.

Osvraggods and Mostrandingsgods have been watching Tylilleprins since the beginning of the story, in fact, they’ve been watching him for years, waiting for him to be at a vulnerable place where they could sneak in and try and comfort him.

Os and Mo circle around Race at first, creeping him out when he sees them. They coo at him and wipe at his tears. He’s scared and almost cries for Jack before they tell him there’s someone they know that can fix all of his problems. A sea witch named Snydehavheks. Race is skeptical, knowing that witch was dangerous, at least according to his father.

But the mermen promise Race that he will be able to be with the man he loves and away from those who destroyed everything he adored. So Race goes with them.

He is unknowingly followed by Jack who was trying to go back to check on him and Al follows him closely behind.

Together they watch the whole exchange. Snydehavheks is a strange but powerful man. No one knows much about him, but he reveals himself to be Race and Jack’s uncle who was banished from the kingdom after a few spells gone wrong. Race tries to retreat after hearing this, but with eight arms, the guy grabs him easily and holds him back, explaining that he’d turned over a new leaf and wanted to help.

Jack tries to go in and help his brother, but is stopped by Os and Mo who hold a “knife” to his throat (its sharp fish bones fashioned as a weapon).

Race still doesn’t know he was followed.

Snydehavheks offers Race a deal, one he describes as very good and well worth the cost. In exchange for two weeks on land with human legs and the ability to understand English, the witch will take his voice. The only catch is that Race has to get Spot to kiss him by the final sunset on the last day to remain human permanently or else his soul would belong to Snydehavheks. See, mermaids' tails can turn to legs when they’re on land, but walking on them is painful and horrible for them. So this offer is to take the pain away and make sure his legs stay no matter what for two weeks.

Race tries to argue, not understanding how he’d get Spot to kiss him if he couldn’t speak, but Snydehavheks would tell him that he still had everything he needed to make it happen and he’d offer Race a contract.

Jack would finally get the weapon away from the brothers in front of him and cry out for Race not to do it, but Race would just get even more angry and sign the thing.

His voice would be gone immediately and his legs would start growing. His fangs would turn into regular human teeth and his claws would shrink and flatten out.

He’d quickly find that he could no longer breathe.

Jack would act fast, Al right behind him. They’d swim Race up to the surface so he could breathe and Jack would be screaming at Race the whole time until Race was too stunned to listen. He’d be human and he’d be terrified.

Jack would tell him that they could fix this. That he’d go back and talk to the sea witch, but Race wouldn’t let him. He’d grab Jack’s arm and try to hold him still. Jack can see how shaken Race is and Al doesn’t know what to do so he can’t just leave the two of them up there.

Eventually, Jack tells Race he needs to go get some sort of clothing. While Jack doesn’t understand humans, he used to observe them too and knows they don’t just walk around naked.

Race would steal someone’s clothes that were left on the beach, realizing how difficult it was to walk when he’d never tried it before. Jack would panic and try to tell him to come back to the water, but Race wouldn’t and Al would tell Jack that even if he did make a deal with Snydehavheks, Race would still be human for a little bit and someone was bound to find him sooner or later.

Jack would try to get their father but before he could, humans would catch sight of Race. Jack would try to drag him into the sea by his ankle, but Al would force him under the water and away from the shore.

Race, who is now on the ground, would be approached by the very boy who he’d gone up there to see. It’s early in the morning at this point. And the boy who introduces himself as Spot was going out for a morning surf.

Spot asks Race if he’s alright and Race goes to respond, realizing again that his voice is gone. He starts to panic and Spot asks him where he can take him or who he can call. Race just shrugs and shakes his head which Spot takes to mean as he’s alone.

Jack and Al watch as Spot leads Race away from the ocean and Jack has no idea what to do.

Taking Race to Miss Medda, Spot tries to communicate with him, finding that this mysterious boy can’t read or write, but seems to understand him just fine. Spot finds that something about this boy reminds him of someone but he knows he can’t be the boy that saved him because the boy that saved him had hummed and sang to him.

Miss Medda gets Race cleaned up and washed up and redressed in modern clothing that fits Race perfectly. Spot offers to show him around since Race agrees that he doesn’t know where he is really and doesn’t have anyone he knows there.

Race is nervous and anxious about everything but gets excited about little things anyways. When he sees Spot’s tattoo, he grabs the other boy’s arm and studies it for a long time. So Spot asks him if he liked Mermaids and Race immediately smiles and nods his head.

Spot decides to then take Race to the local aquarium where they meet a scientist named Mr. Weisel, who Race immediately finds he doesn’t like. Weisel tells them about a mermaid they caught years and years ago (Race’s mother) who they unfortunately killed a little bit too soon. A lot of people don’t believe there was ever a mermaid, as mermaids are myths, but Race puts the pieces together easily. He shows them a necklace made of shells that Race recognizes immediately as his mother’s.

He gets upset and even more scared so Spot would take him home.

Now it made sense why Jack, who seemed so fearless, was terrified of the human world.

From then on, Spot talks to Race about mermaids and how he was sure he’d seen some in the past (he’d seen Jack when Jack was little, playing with their mother).

Eventually, he takes Race back to the ocean where Race meets his friends who think he’s a bit odd, but Race doesn’t mind. They’re at the beach and Race can see Al. When he finds a way to get to where his friend is hiding, Al says that Jack is losing it. Race feels guilty, knowing it’s his fault his brother is so worried. Al tells him that Jack still hasn’t told their father what’s happened, explaining that Race was sick and wouldn’t leave his room and always finding an excuse for the king not to go see him.

When Spot finds him, Race shoves Al back beneath the water and pretends to just be watching the waves.

Spot and his friends teach Race how to surf.

Race is surprised at how much he likes it.

For the next few weeks, Spot and Race get very close. Spot starts to teach Race how to read and Race shows Spot how to appreciate the ocean in an entirely new way.

About a week in, Spot becomes infatuated with Race and starts to hold his hand. Race loves it.

At some point, they almost kiss in a lagoon, but are interrupted by Os and Mo who were sent by Snydehavheks to stop Race from succeeding.

Jack and Al, who were trying to help Race succeed, see the other two mermen and follow them back to their cave to figure out the sea witch’s actual plan where they learn that Snydehavheks is after the crown and plans to use Race as leverage to get it.

By the time they try to get back up to Race to warn him, it’s the end of the last day and he and Spot still haven’t kissed.

Weasel, who suspected there was something off about Race from the beginning, was watching him and Spot who were sitting at the edge of the water.

All in all, it’s a big mess.

Race begins to transform back into a merman and it causes him physical pain. He cries out, realizing his voice is back and tries to swim away before remembering that if he goes back, he belongs to the sea witch who gave him legs. So he hesitates just long enough for Weasel and a group of fishermen to throw a net over him and use long sticks with formed edges (not pitchforks but something similar) to pin Race to the shore. He tries to squirm away and cry out for help. Spot is confused and at a loss for words but tries to do something.

Race starts screaming for Jack who is hiding behind a buoy farther out in the ocean. Jack is paralyzed with fear and doesn’t know what to do so all he can do is watch them put his little brother in a large tank and pack him into the back of a truck and take off with him.

He dives back beneath the water and begs Snydehavheks to tell him where his brother is, reluctantly offering up his soul in exchange for information and help getting to Race.

The sea witch offers to help, but doesn’t grant Jack land legs. He simply tells Jack to swim up to shore and the rest would be made clear to him.

So Jack does what he says.

On the shore, there’s a uniform waiting for him. It’s a janitor’s uniform from the aquarium. He pulls himself from the water and puts it on, standing up on scaly legs and finding it extremely painful to walk on them, like thousands of needles piercing his skin. But he forces himself to walk and get to Race.

There’s an invisible trail leading Jack straight to his brother.

Race is being kept in a display tank for now in the aquarium. He’s been there for almost a full day by the time Jack finds him. He doesn’t like being in there. People tap on his glass and call him a freak. At first he’d hiss at them, showing off his sharp fangs and daring them to continue taunting him. Eventually he just gave up and turned away from the humans, curling up in a ball on the floor of the tank and trying to imagine his brother was there with him. Jack never let him be scared. Even when he’d wanted to shut down Race’s curiosity, he hadn’t wanted to scare him.

So he’s laying there with his tail pulled up to his chest and he’s crying, knowing he can’t do anything until he hears someone speaking his own language behind him and he turns around to find Jack standing outside his cage, looking like he was in pain, but still managing to look relieved that he’d found Race.

Race presses his hand up against the glass and Jack matches it crying at the relief of seeing his brother alive.

After a minute, he tries to break open the tank with anything he can find around him. He gets it to crack after a while, so Race starts hitting at it, trying to break it. Eventually, Jack manages to shatter the glass and Race gets pushed out onto the floor.

That's when a worker finds them, just as Race is regrowing his legs. Jack immediately sits down and pulls Race to him, hissing at her because he’s not a full human and has his fangs and claws still.

The woman, Katherine, Race reads off of her name tag, is shocked at first. He tries to speak English for the first time in his life, saying things like “please” and “ocean” and “daddy” because he knows that Jack is there but he still wants his dad.

Katherine would melt at the sight, finding some pants for Race to wear. That’s when Weasel would rush in. Jack was still holding on tightly to Race and Katherine would stand in front of them ready to defend them because she didn’t agree on keeping the merman from the beginning.

When Weasel tries to get to Race, Jack claws at his arm, deep enough to make him bleed.

That’s when Weasel figures out that Jack’s a merman too.

He grabs for his walkie talkie and calls for backup just as Spot breaks into the aquarium to try and break Race out. He finds Race and Jack on the ground behind Katherine and goes to get closer to Race. Jack tries to lash out at him, but Race stops him, though he still is a bit cautious of Spot because Spot didn’t save him while he was being captured.

Spot tries to ask Jack for his permission to help take Race back to the ocean. Race has to translate for him the best he can. Jack let’s go of Race, knowing that as long as Race made it home, he could be happy.

Eventually, he lets go of Race with one more kiss to his head and let’s Spot scoop him up as Katherine starts to fight with Weasel, tasing him with his own taser as more backup arrives.

She helps Jack stand and realizes walking must pain him, so she takes his weight and tries to get him back to the water.

They have a very hard time getting out of the building as Katherine has to hide them from Weasel’s men. Jack takes a reluctant liking to Katherine as she helps him through the building and back to the water. Even though they can’t understand each other’s language, Katherine manages to make Jack laugh and Jack finds himself intrigued by this woman.

Once they get back to the water, they find Spot on the shore panicking.

He tells Katherine that Race was there a second ago but the second he was fully in the water, some kind of octopus dragged him down.

Jack doesn’t understand, but he sees the panic on Spot’s face and immediately finds a place to dive into the water, going to find his brother only to be caught by two other mermen who drag him down beneath the water.

It’s Osvraggods and Mostrandingsgods. They tell him that Snydehavheks is there to collect him as he is now his property.

He finds Race struggling against Snydehavheks, who has his tentacles wrapped around the boy as they are forced to face their father who demands to know what on earth his half brother thinks he’s doing.

The sea witch shows Brydenbeskyttelse the contracts his sons signed.

The king knows what his brother wants. So he gives it to him.

With one final look at his sons who are begging him not to do what they know he’s about to do, he offers Snydehavheks the crown and his trident after making the other man promise that no harm would come to his boys. Snydehavheks agrees before making his half brother sign a contract and then taking the trident and turning Brydenbeskyttelse into stone.

Jack’s heart breaks as he watches his father fall but he demands that the sea witch release them as he made a deal. He rushes to grab Race before Race can go to the statue of their father and forces him to stay close, unsure of truly what to do.

Eventually, the younger prince fights his way out of Jack’s arms and tries to fight Snydehavheks who nearly kills him with the trident. After that, Race rushes up to the surface to get away from the man who’s now chasing him and Jack goes to help him.

At the surface, Spot and Katherine are still standing confused on the shore. But when they see Race struggling to get away from a giant half man, half octopus, Spot rushes to help him, managing to hurt the sea witch but eventually getting dragged beneath the surface.

Katherine tries to rush to help him, but Jack grabs her and helps her back to shore before Os and Mo can grab her.

Jack and Race then manage to get Spot to safety before Race finally takes his father’s trident and stabs Snydehavheks in the back, killing him. Jack then takes the thing to scare Os and Mo away. Once he does that, him and Race swim down to their father, freeing him.

Brydenbeskyttelse hugs them tightly before Race remembers Spot and rushes up to the surface again, hugging Spot immediately and trying to apologize.

Spot holds him back just as tightly before pulling away and kissing him.

Jack swims over to see Katherine and they have a cute little moment where Jack says in his own language that there was something about her he just wouldn’t be able to get out of his mind. She doesn’t know what he said, but she gives him a kiss on the cheek.

Their father watches the exchange, asking Race if he truly wanted to be with Spot. When he hesitantly nods, the king reluctantly gives Race the ability to walk on land without pain, even though he can still return to the ocean if he wants to.

Race doesn’t go without hugging his family again.

Eventually, Spot and Race do get married. But every time they get in a fight, Race goes back to find Jack and stay with him for a little while.

Spot gives the merpeople “human names”. He calls Race “Tyler”.

Jack visits his human friends and his brother once a week at least, learning how to speak English and finding that he was falling for Katherine who was just as quickly falling for him.

She finds herself fascinated by the life of the sea and eventually lets Jack take her down after he has his father’s permission. Brydenbeskyttelse turns her into a mermaid (her tail is yellow and orange). And her and Jack eventually become married and she gets to be a queen.

I know all of their names look like I was just typing random letters but I actually looked up the Danish translation for somethings (just on google, so I have no idea how accurate it is) because The Little Mermaid is a Danish story.

Tylilleprins — Lille prins means Little Prince

Jaqeleder — leder means leader

Brydenbeskyttelse — beskyttelse means protector

Alberdybhav — dyb hav means deep sea

Osvraggods — vraggods means flotsam

Mostrandingsgods — strandingsgods means jetsam

Snydehavheks — hav heks means sea witch

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed! I really like this one! Writing mermaids is interesting.

Let me know if you guys wanna see any scenes written out!

For more Mood Boards and AUs, click here!

[bandicoot88]

My Cyberpunk 2077 thoughts...

Gonna go into some spoilers, which I’ll hide under the cut, tho for now, I will share what I thought of the game. I finished my original playthrough a while back now, and did a second, with my same V but with a few different choices (and going back so I could take a bunch of snaps in photo mode, as you may have seen!)

  The game is definetely overhyped tho. Did I enjoy myself? Yes, but the game could’ve been better had it been worked on either more, or taken a step back... and made sure the game ran nicely. There are problems with it, and I’ll share this video here from videogamedunkey who does a good job of explaining the good and bad:

    The length of the game:

  Too short. For about 2 days I was doing side quests only to look for Brendan and Theo, voiced by Bryan Dechart and Ameila Rose Blaire, and even then, I felt like the story just... ends. When I went to do the final mission, I actually didn’t realize it was the final mission. It does say a point of no return, and I’ve experienced that once before in a game, but I just thought it’d be a really long mission, not the end of the game.

  There’s too many side missions I feel, and as mentioned in the video, a lot of copy and paste kinds which are boring, while some are worth doing, but you can’t tell which is which until you visit those locations.

  Game machanics:

  I’m an easily confused person, but I still felt like the game doesn’t really explain... much. All this tech, upgrades, add-ons, abilities, weapons, hacking, and WHY THE FUCK AM I OVERHEATING!? Like... did anyone else feel overwhelmed? I’d be hours and hours into the game, and I still didn’t know what did what. Heck, there’s stuff now I still don’t understand, like... consumerables. I never use them, EVER!

  I just find them kinda pointless, and they’re fucking everywhere, which is probably my problem because I pick EVERYTHING up. I just wanted the game to explian things better. Even BOTW just throws you into the wildness with little to go on, but it’s easy to pick up and understand once you know how (yes, I know the games are totally different, but CP77 could’ve learned something from games such as that on how to introduce players on how to literally play their game).

  Crafting:

  Did anyone actually craft in this game? I crafted very little, and by that I mean I crafted a few grenades to use. I thought weapons could be upgraded, but I was wrong I think, and legendary weapons could be crafted instead? Either way, I never found enough material to craft anything legendary, and with how often I looted... something ain’t right there.

  Selling stuff:

  On PS4, it’s a fucking nightmare. It’s sooooo slow. It would’ve been nice to have an option like ‘sell all commons/whites’ or selecting multiple items and then go ‘sell’. But no, you have to sell each item individually, and with how the game performs on PS4 currently... yeah, not fun.

  SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        The story:

Confusing. I got the impression that Arasaka were the bad guys, since y’know... killing Jackie, the son killing the father, etc. Then Takemura enters the scene, thinks we’re the killers, then we both get attacked by robo ninjas, who I haven’t got a fucking clue are, and then... Takemura is trying to save me. When it said ‘finish him off’, I thought it meant Takemura (I think I ignored the prompt, thinking Takemura would die in that moment).

I also kept getting confused on character names within the Arasaka’s, namely Saburo and Yorinobu, constantly getting lost on what and who Takemura was referring to, but I think that’s a me problem and not the fault of the game.

Romances:

  I still have yet to romance someone, but my first encounter with a romancable character was Panam. Little did I know... that she’s straight, so my female V cannot romance her. So. Lame. There’s 4 romances in the game, and we’re limited to 2 per gender? Judy is nice, but I really liked Panam... Why not just make them all bi so from a player perspective, there’s more choice? That’s what Joytoys are, with Skye and Angel as prime examples. Just put the gay/lesbian representation in game elsewhere, but not with romancable characters that are limited, because that’s just lame to me. AC Odyssey didn’t have that problem... It’s really not difficult. According to a YouTube comment on Kerry’s romance, in the Cyberpunk board game, Kerry was bisexual anyway, so... what gives?

Character deaths:

I hated that Jackie died. Seriously? That lovable goof giant just killed off in the most anticlimatic and lame way? If you’re gonna kill off such a great character, at least go out with a bang. The guy didn’t get enough screen time and he was such a lively character in the doom of gloom of Cyberpunk’s world.

It also sucked that T-Bug and Dex died too. T-Bug... how did she even die? The game doesn’t explin anything, and the way she went off comms like that made me think that we’d see her late, as I didn’t realize she was actually dead for a good while, expecting her to make contact at some point.

As for Dex... yes, he did screw us over, but I still liked him. The way he talked, his voice, his style... I just felt he could’ve had more to give.

Then there’s Takemura, another death that I thought had to happen, but the game fucks him over by giving no indication that he could’ve been saved. According to the PS4 trophies, it says 0.8% had Takemura get his revenge for Saburo’s death near the end of the game, so... hardly anyone knew he could be saved.

They couldn’t have done like a decision that could’ve saved him? If they didn’t want to make it obvious, fine, don’t label literally “save Takemura” and “leave Takemura”, but have a decision there at least. Or, explain at some point in the game (maybe near the beginning) that following what the mission says doesn’t have to be taken so literally. When gamers are told by a mission on what to do, they do. How would we ever know to crawl in a tiny hole and find Takemura that way? Again, I assumed we’d meet up later, waiting... waiting... Hanako makes no mention of him whatsoever, and eventually I realized he was dead. Even called him on his phone to confirm it. So lame...

  Smelting legendary weapons:

  I think I accidentally smelted down Johnny’s Revolver, and I fucking loved that thing! The damage, the sound, the awesome reload animation... So now on my other playthrough I’m gonna try and not mess that up. How on Earth are Johnny’s clothes non-sellable/smeltable, but his gun is? How do you mess that up!? Let me mark certain weapons so I don’t accidentally sell them. Again, CP77 can learn from other games...

  Buying cars:

  I’ve bought... one car, and I hate that buying cars are labelled as side missions. Why would I want to buy a hoard of cars? I’m not made of money? I can’t just spend 22k on a car I don’t even really want, especially when I got Johnny’s car, and the bikes of Jackie and Scorpion. Just... have a single place where you can go to buy cars instead of littering the map. I read somewhere that buying cars is the Corpo path only, but I’m not sure?

  The endings:

  I think the ending I got was a common one. I understand there are 5 endings? I chose to go back to Earth and... eventually die I guess, because I didn’t trust Arasaka. I picked the other choice to see what happens, and I wish there was some explaination. You’re just stuck in some program, waiting for a body? If one will even be available? I felt like both endings kinda sucked, and dare I say, the ending you can get much earlier sitting on the roof was oddly more satisfying to me, because you get an actual cutscene with Johnny, and overall, it’s just a nice heart to heart moment. Sure, it’s sad, but there was emotion. The other 2 common endings just felt empty to me. I still have to watch the other, more rare endings.

  Okay I’m done. This is mostly a big rant, but I did still like the game. It just wasn’t ready for release, even after 8 years, and it did had problems, outside of bugs and performance issues.

[sammy-jo1977]

The Party

An: First time posting something I’ve actually written. Hope it turned out okay. This is my admission for the Little Darlin’s All Things Fall Writing Challenge!! @littledarlinhavefaithinme  @sourpatchkidsandacokecan this is it!  Hope this turned out as well as I hoped. And I hope I did that right…

Prompt: “ Okay, who’s raising the dead when I’m trying to sleep?”

Word count:3307😱

Warning: None! Just a bit of fluffy maybe flirting

Matt Murdock x Reader, but later onish. Foggy and Karen have decided that a Halloween party would be a great idea. Now they just have to get Matt on board.

~~~~~~~~~

Karen poured herself and Foggy a cup of coffee to each liking. Even set out Matt’s cup for when he came into the office. 

 Foggy was by her desk, getting more excited as he spoke. “Think about Karen. Really. We could dress up. I could talk Marci into even coming. And hey what about that guy you were talking to? Ryan? Bryan? Invite him too. We need this. Plus it could be fun.”

She laughed as she passed him the mug and shook her head before taking a drink from her own. “Sounds great Foggy. Think we’d have to talk Matt into the idea though first. And it’s Ryan thank you.“ 

“Matt will be easy. Leave to me. I can talk him into almost anything.” Karen had started to say something but noticed Matt walking up to the door.

 "Really Foggy? I’m almost afraid to ask what you’re trying to talk me into now.“Karen couldn’t stop the laughter that escaped her lips as she moved to fix Matt his coffee. 

“Nothing like in college calm down. No sir. This is about the impending awesomeness that is Halloween.” Matt turned to his friend with a bit of confusion and amusement. “Halloween? Really? Fog that’s what almost two months away.”

He gratefully accepted the coffee cup that Karen passed him. “Exactly! We are running out of time. So, what are we planning?” Matt headed towards the small conference room while Foggy and Karen followed. He laughed again at his friend’s excitement. “Don’t you think we’re a bit old for trick or treating?” Foggy glared at Matt. Which made Karen laugh. “He’s glaring at me isn’t he?“ 

The laughter was barely contained in Matt’s question. “Yeah I am jerk.” 

“Alright. I’m sorry buddy.” Matt laughed again. “Can we get through today and we’ll talk later about it okay? Over drinks at Josie’s, yeah?“ 

His friend nodded to himself and quietly added a , “Fine alright.” The day went by. A few breakthroughs on a couple cases were made. Things were gathered and the three made their way to Josie’s. After a couple rounds and the massacre on the pool table that prompted round two. Foggy and Karen finally talked Matt into joining in the excitement of Halloween.

“Okay! Alright. What’s the plan then? Do you have a plan?”

 “Of course I have a plan!” Foggy explained. Karen and Matt both looked at him expectedly waiting to see if he really did have a plan. “ Okay so maybe I haven’t worked out the details yes. But there is definitely a plan." 

Matt just shook his head and took another drink of his beer with a low chuckle. Karen went back to the bar to buy the next round. "What about a costume party?! With a theme and everything?”, Foggy had turned quickly to Karen as she came back and handed each of the men their drinks. 

“That could actually be fun.”

“Yeah?! Yes! Okay but what theme?”

 Listening to the two of his best friends get excited about the idea of dressing up and everything actually got Matt liking the idea himself. 

“Classic Monster Movies?" 

"Eh maybe.”

 Karen and Foggy tossed a couple more ideas around, neither being really set on anything yet.

 "Matt? What do you think? Ideas buddy?“ He perked up, took a drink and shrugged. "I don’t know guys, I mean are we thinking the cheesy type stuff or what?”

 "Anything?!“ 

"Yeah Matt, what do you want to do?" 

He sighed and chuckled, "Well I mean, I don’t know. Not like I did a lot for Halloween as a kid.”

Foggy groaned when he missed whatever shot he had been going for at the table. Karen hummed in thought for a moment, but gasped quietly when the idea struck her. “Guys. I got It! Think about this. The 20’s. Great Gatsby type. Maybe?" 

"HA! Yes I love it! With the mobster look, and the flapper girl dresses, YES!” The excitement in Foggy’s voice was again contagious.

 It was agreed. They had a theme. And a few weeks to put it into action. Foggy agreed to help Matt plan his and told Karen that Marci could possibly help with hers. Matt again found himself laughing lightly as he listened to his two friends. The excitement brewing and bubbling over as Foggy decided that they would have it at the office. 

“Guys I’m calling it a night." 

Foggy just shook his head. "Still a lightweight.”

 Matt playfully pushed him as he stood to unfold his cane. “Need help getting home?” Karen had chimed up. 

“Nah. I’m alright. See you both tomorrow.” Matt made his way back to his apartment. The night was quiet. Little foot traffic passed him. The light chill of the breeze had him pulling his jacket closed just a  bit tighter. 

Fall in Hell’s Kitchen felt like was like anywhere else. The leaves changing colors and cooler breezes. But that was one of the things Matt Murdock missed. Seeing the many color variations the leaves would turn. The definitive crunch from the leaves on the sidewalk when stepped on. The crisper change of scent in the air. All helped paint the picture of what he once knew. He made it home in time to catch his neighbor across the hall as she headed into her apartment. 

The subtle hint of cinnamon and vanilla surrounded her. “Hey (y/n)" 

"Matthew.” Her voice was always just a little teasing. He kind of liked it if he was being honest. And she never just called him Matt. Its was Matthew. They had talked some before.

 She had actually knocked on his door one evening when he had spent a rare night at home asking if he had any alcohol. Which prompted a brief night talking over a glass or two of whiskey before she left for her own bed. Even after he had tempted her. She had told him that night that he was trouble. Her voice holding that teasing tone that seemed to be reserved for him now.

 He smiled at her and stepped inside his apartment. Went about getting changed to head out for the night.

 Few nights later… It was late.

 Matt didn’t know how late. All he knew was that there was a very persistent banging on his door. His body went into high alert for they first few moments. Until he heard his name being yelled, quite drunkenly from the other side of the door. Followed by another voice also calling out his name. 

“Matt!!" 

"Matt Come on!”

More banging against the door. “Come on buddy!”

 Matt pulled himself from the bed and made his way through to his living room. More yelling came from his two friends through the door.

 Something about drinking the town dry or something. Among other ideas that only made him chuckle to himself. 

“Matt Come on! Karen says she cant drink alone with me anymore!”

“Its true Matt. You gotta help me." 

After a few more bangs and the chorus of giggles from both Karen and Foggy mixed with more calling out of his name, he moved to the door. 

Just as he was about to open the door, a new voice chimed in. "Do the two of you realize just how loud you are? Could raise the dead if you really tried.”

"Okay who’s raising the dead when I’m trying to sleep?”

 He could feel her half hearted sleepy glare as soon as he opened the door. His neighbor from across the hall stood in her own door leaning heavily onto the frame. 

Foggy turned too quickly and almost fell back if not for Matt steading him. “oh shit. Sorry." 

Then in a not really hushed whisper, "She’s hot. Did you know she was hot Matty? Oh wait course you do.”

Karen had at least enough wits about her to apologize for him and for waking her. At least for a brief moment before leaning in close to the two boys and in the same not whisper, “She really is though.” before failing to contain a small fit of giggles. 

Matt just shook his head, his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sorry ,(y/n). Didn’t mean to wake you.”

 (y/a) couldn’t really blame Matt. And out of his two companions that stood outside, Karen muttered a quiet Sorry once again. Her hand covering her mouth. Foggy turned to her finally and did apologize before almost bursting into a fit of giggles. But he quickly turned back to Matt and pointed a finger to his chest. 

“Actually that kinda works. You do sleep like the dead."  Karencouldn’t help it, she burst into her own fit of laughter and almost slid down the wall.

 "Sure you don’t want a hand with those two?”

 Matt  shook his head. And made a move to usher both through the door. “Nah I got them. Thanks though. And again I’m sorry they woke you.”

“Yeah we’re sorry!” Foggy yelled from inside the apartment. (Y/n) just laughed and shook her head. 

“Good luck with them Mathew. Think you’ll need it.”

 He chuckled, “Yeah think you’re right. G'night Kat.”

 She bid him good night and closed her door. Matt turned back into his own and headed into the living room where his two friends had at least made it to the couch. 

Karen on one end, half curled up with her head back. Foggy was half falling off, half laying down humming some random bits of songs that didn’t really go together. 

All Matt could do was laugh. He went to go get a couple blankets and covered each of his friends as they started to doze off. Karen’s breathing evened out first, Foggy was still struggling to stay awake. “Matt… matt we gotta…” His arm stretched out to try and grab his arm. Matt took his friends hand and patted it. “Tomorrow buddy. Not tonight.” Foggy’s hand dropped back down and with a heavy sigh, he started to drift off. Matthew just chuckled and headed back to bed. 

Of course the next morning was fun. Pained groans emitting from the couch as Matt closed the refrigerator door maybe a little carelessly.

 Back in the office… 

After a few cups of bad coffee both Karen and Foggy seemed to be a little more humanized from the zombies they had been that morning. Once they had made it through the day, a few clients had filtered in.

 Now they sat around the table in the small conference room. Conversation had turned to the Halloween party again. Karen had put together a list of a the clients that would be able to attend. Matt had managed to get Claire Temple interested in going. Though she might not be able to make it due to she was technically on call that night. Of course Foggy had told Marci and she had decided that she would help Karen decorate. He had even talked to Brett. Though he had also been a little less likely to attend with everything that could possibly happen with it being Halloween.

 So the guest lists had been prepared. All that was left was the costumes.

 "Hey Karen have you found your costume yet?“

 "No. But Marci did send me the address to that place where she found hers. What about you guys?”

Foggy came back into the room after grabbing more napkins. Several food boxes set around the table. “Not yet. Matt are we still going to the shop this week?" 

Matt nodded around the mouthful of food he had just taken. "Yeah uh.. We can go later if you want." 

Foggy was all for it, the excitement starting again breaking through the left over of the hangover that had hung on through the day. 

After working through some left over paper work, the men bid Karen goodnight when she caught a taxi home. 

Foggy flagged down one for them and they made their way to their destination. A shop that sold mainly vintage clothing and such. Specialized in alterations and custom designs. 

After going through the racks of many different styles, they settled on different styles. Each still with the Twenties era. 

In the next couple weeks, the party was coming together. With costumes found, Foggy’s excitement only grew. The weather grew colder. 

Halloween finally rolled around. 

The boys chose to get ready at Matt’s apartment. Matt had even invited his neighbor, though wasn’t sure if she would show. 

Foggy’s outfit consisted of a dark pair of slacks, tannish grey waistcoat over a white button up, and dark buttonhole suspenders. Along with a dark brown wool flat cap and an almost matching bowtie. 

Matt’s was more of a mobster look. Dark pinstripe pants and suit jacket. Paired with a black button up and dark red buttonhole suspenders almost matching a deep red tie. And to top it off  black fedora with a red band.

 Foggy’s excitement was everywhere. Matt more then once laughed at his friend when he noticed him practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

 "Karen agreed to meet us at the party. Wonder what she picked. Hey Brett is coming too." 

The short trip to the office only fueled Foggy’s enthusiasm, Matt too. His own excitement feeding off his friend’s energy. 

Music filtered down the hall as they got closer to the door. Foggy let himself and Matt into the office to the small crowd mixture of clients and friends, catching Karen’s eye. 

Foggy gave out a whistle causing Matt to ask how she looked. "Breathtaking man. Wow." 

She made a quick twirl before stepping up to them. Her deep blue dress almost form fitting with a v neck and wide shoulder straps. The black beading and sequins forming a streamline design that drew attention to her slight curves. The fringe extending just past her knees as the dress itself stopped mid thigh.

 "Foggy I gotta say. This was a great idea.”

 "I do have a few of those every now and then. You two always seem shocked.“ He spotted Marci further in the room and excused himself before taking off.  Her burgundy and black beaded shift drawing the attention of almost every man in the room. 

"Matt. Wow you look great!" 

"Ha thanks. I bet you do too." 

She started to question before he spoke up again. "Foggy said as much.”

There was a quick knock at the door before it opened again. “Matthew?” (Y/n) stepped into the room and shut the door behind her quietly. Matt turned towards her and smiled.

 "Yeah hi! (Y/n) this is Karen, she’s a good friend of mine. Karen uh this is Kathrine. She’s my neighbor from across the hall.“

"RIGHT! Yeah. I think I remember. Um I am still sorry about that night we woke you.”

The women shook hands briefly, (y/n) giving Karen a smile.

 "No worries. I wasn’t that upset. I must say though, you look incredible.“

"You too!"Matt listened briefly to them before taking quick stock of the room. Foggy had dragged Marci to the food table. 

He did catch Brett’s voice somewhere in the room making small talk with someone.  His tweed three piece feeling much different from his typical uniform. His hat much like Foggy’s hanging up with his long coat.

 Claire’s voice carried from somewhere else in the room saying she really was relived when she had been given the night free from being on call. Her almost white shift dress dotted intricately with beads coming down just passed her knees. Though she deemed to wear flats. Refusing to go in heels.

 Karen steered them both a little further into the room and excused herself for a brief moment. 

"Well. You certainly clean up well Matthew.” The teasing not in her voice made him smile like it always did.

 "I can only imagine how well you clean up as well (y/,n). Must be pretty damn good.“ 

"Hmm. Why’s that? A few heart rates jump when I came in?”

He turned to face her leaning on his cane slightly. His head tilted as he made sure no one was paying attention to the hushed conversation.

 "What makes you think I could know that?“

She stepped closer to him and whispered. "Oh Matthew. I know who you are. Have since my second week in that building. How you do it I haven’t figured out yet." 

His grip on his cane tightened to the point of his knuckles turning white.

 "Don’t worry. I haven’t told anyone. And I won’t. You have my word on that." 

He relaxed only briefly.

 "But I must say. Black and red really are your colors.” Her teasing made him huff out a laugh. "And you?“ 

She hummed and shifted her weight a little. "Black naturally. Maybe a but too low cut but it suits me." 

Matt shook his head with a smirk. 

"Though your friend Karen does look gorgeous in the deep blue she chose.”

 "Ha, Im not surprised. Foggy told me with her blonde hair and blue eyes that any blue looked great on her. Though he did say that Anything looked great on her.“ 

Karen returned with drinks in hand. Conversations flowed easily. The three making it into the crowd. Matt made his short rounds to talk to a few others.

 Karen and (y/n) had made quick friends with one another. Though Matt joked with Foggy that he wasn’t sure if that was good or bad.

 Claire called it an early night. Eager to get home and into her pajamas and curl up with a classic Halloween movie. When questioned she admitted it to being Hocus Pocus. Foggy agreeing almost immediately that it was the Best Halloween Movie in History.

 Brett had to leave to head back to the station to deal with a few vandals that has been caught later on. 

Karen offered to take Matt home when Foggy had told them he was taking off with Marci after helping clean up to an extent since the party had dwindled down to just the five of them.

 Informing them he would be alright didn’t convince them until (y/n) had said she was heading home and could make sure he got back to his own door in one piece. Each bid their good nights after most of the aftermath had been taken care of. 

And once back in the hall, in front of his door, Matt turned to (y/n). "How did you find out?" 

She sighed, shifted from one foot to the other before leaning against the wall. "Mathew, you are many thing. But convincingly secretive is not one of them. Between the bruises, cuts, and whatnot. The being up at literally all hours. I work nights. And you are not always quiet. Also, I saw you and your friend Franklin stumbling up the stairs one day. Blood across your face and in the daredevil suit. It didn’t take much to connect the dots even before that.”

 He let out a heavy sigh and banged his head lightly against his own door, quietly cursing.

 "Like I told you before. This changes nothing. Your secret will be kept.“

He tilted his head toward her, noting her steady heart beat thrumming. "Thank you (y/n).”

She only nodded and pushed off from the wall. Taking the few steps closer to him she kissed him ever so lightly on the cheek and whispered. “You’re welcome Matthew." 

He turned his head but she pulled away before he could initiate any more contact. "Good night Matthew.”

He smiled, and turned to face her as she backed toward her own door before turning and unlocking her own. “Good night (y/n).” He waited till he heard her door latch and the turn of her lock before opening his own door and stepping inside. 

[summahsunlight]

This Way Became Our Journey, CH. 2

Word Count: 4569

Pairings:Janeway/Chakotay, Tom/OFC

Characters: Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay, Tom Paris, Sarah Barrett (OC), Harry Kim, B’Elanna Torres, Tuvok, Kes, Neelix, the Doctor

Against her better judgement, Kathryn Janeway has taken her children with her on the trip to the Badlands to track Chakotay and the Maquis rebels. But when the ship is thrown into the Delta Quadrant, Janeway is forced to join with the Maquis in order to survive the treacherous, unknown part of the galaxy.

Kathryn watched anxiously as the doctor looked over his patient. His expression had not changed since she had walked in here and she was beginning to wonder if he was ever going to speak to her.

Julian Bashir straightened his form and moved about the biobed, reaching for a hypospray.

"Well?" Kathryn asked, impatiently. "Is it an ear infection?"

Bashir looked up at her and smiled warmly. "Nope, it's not an ear infection." Well that was a relief, she thought. Perhaps now the children could return with her mother back to Earth and she could forget that this had all happened and how many strings she had to pull to get the approval to bring them on the mission to the Badlands. "It's a double ear infection."

It took her a moment to take in his words. "A what?" she asked, blinking wildly.

"A double ear infection, it means she has it in both her ears," Bashir said, taking her hesitation as meaning she didn't understand what it was. He pressed the hypospray to little Ava Janeway's neck. The child was lying on her back, watching the Doctor intently, but not with nervous eyes, with curiosity. She was clutching tightly to a pink blanket that had been a gift from her father's sister for her first birthday. Kathryn hadn't been able to pry the blanket out of the baby's hands since she they had arrived in San Francisco and she had taken it everywhere since they began on this trek to the deep space station.

"It's quite common in young human children. They eventually grow out of it," Bashir was telling Kathryn, placing the hypospray on a nearby tray.

Kathryn looked dismayed. "Grow out of it?"

"Children who get ear infections usually are prone to getting them," he replied.

"Wonderful," Kathryn muttered.

Bashir patted the child on the shoulder and told her mother, "I've given her a pain reliever as well as medication for the infection. She's going to need two more treatments in the next couple of days. Your medical staff should have it on board your ship. She might be a bit fussy until it completely clears up."

Fussy wasn't the word that Kathryn was thinking of. Ornery, inconsolable, those were the words that Kathryn was thinking of. Ava had screamed pretty much the entire time she was awake on the trip to Deep Space Nine. The CMO on their transport had said she was teething and had told Kathryn to let the child suck on a piece of ice. When that yielded no results, Kathryn had turned to the CMO on Deep Space Nine. Needless to say the man had nothing to say that she wanted to hear. "She's okay for space travel though?"

"Oh yes," he nodded his head. "She should be just fine. Of course, if it is her first time being out in space for long periods of time there are other issues that you might run into. It could take her time to get her…sea legs."

Kathryn rubbed her temples with the tips of her fingers. I should just leave them with my mother. But she couldn't do that, and she knew that she was using the ear infection as an excuse to get the children on board with her. Her mother had told her as much on their journey to Deep Space Nine. Kathryn just wasn't ready to be separated from them for so long. "I don't suppose you know of any good baby-sitters who'd like to travel to the Badlands?"

Bashir looked confused. "Pardon?"

She waved a hand about, dismissing him. "Never mind, I'll make do. Somehow I always do, Doctor," Kathryn replied, picking Ava up off the biobed. As she turned to go she thanked him for his time and made her way through the crowds to where her mother had promised to meet her with Michael. Gretchen had insisted on going with them as far as Deep Space Nine and since she was the wife of an Admiral, Starfleet didn't mind offering her transport. Even though Kathryn never told her mother, she was glad that the woman had come this far with them, but now it was time to part ways.

Her mother had been supportive of her the past year and a half, trying her best to weather the storm with her daughter, but the time had come for Kathryn to start moving forward on her own. There had always been someone there to support her since Bryan's death. Gabriel, her sister Phoebe, or her mother, but if she was going to get her career moving again, she needed to get her personal life moving again, without the help of loved ones.

She was aware of people's opinions of raising children on starships and she was certain that she was going to meet aversion to the idea from her own crew, but they didn't understand the intense desire to keep them close, to not let them go.

Gretchen and Michael were waiting near by Voyager's docking port. The boy was playing with some toy starships that Gabriel had given him and seemed oblivious to all the people coming and going on the station. He was in his own little world, much like Kathryn had been at a younger age.

"So," Gretchen said, stepping forward. "What did the Doctor say?"

"She has a double ear infection," Kathryn reported. "But I'm told that my sickbay has the proper medicine for her."

"Are you sure you want to do this Katie?" Gretchen asked. "What are you going to do without childcare on that ship of yours?" Kathryn did have a baby-sitter, Emily Lenox, who watched the children from time to time when the Captain was in meetings at Starfleet Command, however the girl wasn't a long term solution. Gretchen had been the children's long term care since they were born. She had spent the entire trip out to Deep Space Nine trying to get her daughter to remember that. She sighed, "Really, I don't mind taking the children back to Indiana with me. I'm perfectly capable of giving Ava her medicine; I am after all the mother of two children."

Kathryn chewed on her lower lip for a moment. Then, "We'll be alright, Mom," she said.

Gretchen Janeway eyed her oldest daughter for a second. She knew this was hard on her daughter, her first deep space assignment since Bryan's death and Ava's birth. However, it wasn't healthy to cling to the children so tightly, maybe it wouldn't affect them now, but it would affect them in the near future, as they got older. But what would it hurt to let them go on this one mission with their mother, even if their grandmother highly disproved of children on starships. Sighing, she reached out and touched Kathryn's face for a moment. "You're just like your father you know that? Stubborn."

"I know," Kathryn answered, then with a deep breath she looked at five year old Michael. "Ready?"

The little boy's response was to eagerly pick up his small, starship covered travel bag. "Ready!" He hugged his grandmother good-bye and then slipped his free hand into his mother's.

Gretchen took in a deep breath to steal her self for the good-bye and gently hugged her daughter. "Just take care of your self Katie, and those babies."

Pulling away from her mother, Kathryn gave her a small nod, and together she stepped up to the docking port. As the doors slid open, she glanced back once at Gretchen, who gave them all a tiny wave and grin. "See you in a few weeks," Kathryn told her mother.

Gretchen nodded her head, and repeated, "See you in a few weeks."

Tom Paris watched as the attractive Betazoid pilot maneuvered her fingers over the computer console. He longed to take control of the tiny shuttle, even if it was just a short range shuttle. Up ahead he could see the claw like structure of Deep Space Nine. Standing up, he tugged on the uniform that Starfleet insisted he wear on this god forsaken mission and approached the pilot.

"Stadi," he said, coming up behind her. "You're changing my mind about Betazoids." He had always found their species, intriguing, to say the least, but this woman was nothing like the Betazoids he had known previously.

She didn't take her eyes off her work. "Good."

"Oh that wasn't a compliment," he said. "Until today, I always thought your people as warm and sensual."

"I can be warm and sensual," she replied, there was a slight smirk on her face.

"Just not to me?" He asked.

"Do you always fly at women at warp speed Mister Paris?" Stadi questioned, cocking an eyebrow.

"Only when they're in visual range," Tom flirted. It was a one way street though, she wasn't buying it. She seemed more interested in her work than in him.

As they came closer to the space station, Tom could see a ship docked there. "That's our ship," Stadi said, proudly. "That's Voyager." She steered the shuttle towards the vessel, going slowly around the warp nacelles, and then flying it out over the hull so Tom could get a good look at it. "Intrepid Class, sustainable cruising speed of warp 9.975; fifteen decks, crew compliments of a 141; bio-neural circuitry."

"Bio-neural?" he questioned, he had never heard of such a thing before. But then again it had been a while since he had been in the 'know' about such things in Starfleet. His father never told him anything anymore, in fact the man barely communicated with him at all.

Tom stood, moving around her chair, and leaned against the console, trying to get a better look at Starfleet's newest design. It was impressive, small but powerful. Stadi was still talking about the circuitry, something about it being more efficient and using gel packs, but he wasn't listening. His eyes were transfixed on a ship that Captain Janeway was never going to let him fly.

This thought saddened him, because he knew he was the best pilot that she could possibly have on that ship. He could almost picture the ship weaving in and out of the plasma storms in the Badlands. He had seriously doubted Janeway when she said that her ship could maneuver through them. But now, seeing it, he figured that ship could fly through anything, especially at the speed it could reach. Incredible, he thought.

The shuttle was soon docked and Stadi informed him that he had about an hour or so before he had to report in. He tried to get her to accompany him for a drink on the station, but she refused, telling him that she had some work to do on the ship before they left.

"Your loss," he told her grabbing his travel duffel and slinging it over his shoulder. With the bag firmly in place, Tom made his way out of the shuttle and onto the station. It was good to be out and about again, even if his freedom did have certain strings attached to it. It was better than being at that penal colony in New Zealand doing mindless jobs for the Federation. And if all went well, Janeway would give him a good review and perhaps he could get out on good behavior. There was no where to go from here but up, he concluded. And out of the Federation forever, he thought recalling his conversation with his mother before he'd left Earth.

Tom looked about the busy station. He had an hour to explore and do what he wished pretty much. The only place he really wanted to check out was the bar owned by a Ferengi civilian, by the name of Quark. A fellow prisoner at the colony had talked about it.

It was something to do anyways before he had to report to Voyager.

Stepping inside the bar he took in the sights, ordered a drink, dropped the duffel bag and proceeded to watch as a young Asian man was about to become a victim of Ferengi 'sales.' After several seconds of watching the young man fumble over his words, and the bar tender start to rant and rave that he was going to report the young man to his commanding officer, Tom decided to play the Good Samaritan and intervene.

With his mug firmly placed in his hand, he stepped up to the bar. "Dazzling aren't they," he said, reaching into the tray of stones that the Ferengi was trying to sell. He picked one up in his fingers and looked at it more closely. "As bright as a Kolodan diamond."

Quark slapped the stone out of Tom's hand. "Brighter."

"Hard to believe that you can find them on any planet in the system."

"That's an exaggeration."

Tom finished his drink in one swallow, informing the young man, who had called himself Harry Kim, that he could find the gemstones on a nearby colony, selling for little money. "How much are you selling these for?" he inquired of the Ferengi bar owner.

"We were just about to negotiate the price," the Ferengi replied.

Harry closed the tray in front of him and got up to leave with Tom when he said he was going. "Thanks," he told the new acquaintance, as Tom picked his travel bag up off the floor.

Tom slung the bag over his shoulder and smiled. "Didn't they tell you about Ferengi at the Academy?"

The two shared a few more good hearted laughs on their way to Voyager's docking port. Tom was pleased to find that there was one person in Starfleet that didn't know about him or his past; but he was sure that it wouldn't take long for someone to tell this young ensign on his first mission what he had done.

Once on board the vessel, Tom was surprised to find that such a small vessel had such nice corridors, not as spacious as a Galaxy class, but it was roomy enough that people could pass without bumping shoulders. The two made their way to sickbay so Tom could check in to see if his medical records had arrived.

"Can I help you?" the Doctor asked as Harry and Tom stepped inside sickbay.

"Tom Paris reporting on board."

The Doctor turned his attention to the hypo spray in his hand. "Oh yes, the observer."

"That's me," Paris said, maybe a bit too defensively, but he didn't care. The CMO obviously didn't think highly of him.

The Doctor glared at him briefly before going to administrate the newly modified hypo spray to his patient. The nurse was standing at the head of the surgical biobed, looking over some data on a PADD. She was a Vulcan and seemed highly uninterested in what was going on expect the patient lying on the biobed.

"As a matter of fact I seem to be observing some kind of problem right now, Doctor," Paris snapped, seeing the look on the Doctor's face. He had expected some hostile feelings from the crew of Voyager, he was after all a convicted felon, however, it didn't negate the fact that it still irked him that he was being treated with such disrespect.

The Doctor only glanced at him once while giving his patient the medicine. "I was a surgeon at the hospital on Caldik Prime when you were stationed there. We never actually met." Here he dropped any mention of the past and continued on his work and PADD in his hand. "Your medical records have arrived from your last posting, Mister Paris. Everything seems to be in order. The Captain asked if you were on board, you should check in with her." He finished stepping right into Paris' face.

The two men glared at each other for a moment before Harry, silent until now, spoke up. "Uh, I haven't paid my respects to the Captain either." He didn't know what Tom had done in the past to garner such feelings of tension, but he was going to do what it took to deviate it a bit. Where was the ship's counselor when you really needed her? Harry thought, eyes searching the face of his new friend.

The Doctor turned his attention to the young man. "Well Mister Kim, that would be a good thing for a new operations officer to do," he replied, before disappearing into his office.

Paris and Kim exchanged glances before they left the sickbay. As they walked, Harry Kim asked his new friend a question, "What was that all about?"

"It's a long story Harry and I'm tired of telling it," Paris snapped. "Besides, I'm sure someone here will tell you before long." The two men stepped into a turbo lift. "Come on," Paris whispered. "The Captain's waiting for us."

With a tug on her uniform to make sure it was presentable, Sarah Barrett reached out and activated the door chime of Kathryn Janeway's ready room. Nervously she waited to be admitted; this was their first meeting face to face. Rumor had it that Janeway had been presenting at her sentencing hearing, but Sarah had been going through severe withdrawal from the drugs that she couldn't even recall parts of the whole trial.

When the door slid open she was half expecting to see the children running around wildly, however, it was quiet, and the Captain was seated on her sofa reading over a PADD. Sarah felt slightly embarrassed that she thought Janeway wouldn't have taken care of her children first before getting to work, after all Cavit had mentioned that she had been busy taking care of other things when Sarah had beamed on board.

"You requested to see me ma'am," Sarah said, stepping into the room.

Kathryn looked up from what she was doing to see her new counselor standing there. She had only seen the young woman once in person, when she had gone to offer Gabriel her support at the sentencing hearing. The Lieutenant had changed since that hearing almost a year ago. Where there had been a broken and defeated young officer sitting in a defendant's chair, now stood a young woman who had regained some of her confidence. "I did," she replied, placing the PADD on the coffee table. "Commander Cavit tells me that you're already testing the waters, young lady."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I had to know where he stood on Mister Paris and our mission," Sarah told her, flinching slightly.

"You're not in trouble," Kathryn told her, standing up. "In fact, I like officer's who…test the waters. It's one of the reasons I chose you, Sarah. You were unorthodox in your days on the Explorer. Commander Fletcher thought very highly of you."

"Permission to speak freely, ma'am," Sarah requested, her eyes locking with the Captain's.

"Permission granted," Kathryn said.

"I know your relation to Captain Dawson, ma'am," the young woman said. "I'm sure that you took me on because you felt sorry for me and perhaps had some coaxing by Captain Dawson himself, but I'm not some washed up officer. I can do this job for you ma'am."

Kathryn cocked an eyebrow. "Well, you do like testing the waters, don't you?" The Captain crossed her arms over her chest for a moment. "And to clear the air, Sarah, I didn't choose you because of Gabriel coaxing me, in fact, he thought I was taking a big risk on you, only out of rehab six months, but your service record indicates you're worth taking the risk. If you perform like you did on the Explorer then I'd say you can do this job for me."

She gestured for the young woman to sit down. Sarah reluctantly did so, her posture still stiff.

"Do you want to know one of the real reasons I chose you Sarah?" Kathryn questioned her. The young woman nodded her head. "I chose you because of your study of the Borg. You spent months psychologically analyzing them, even going as far as to 'abduct' a drone, serving it from the Collective to see what happened to it. There were many in Starfleet that thought this a cruel course of action to take, seeing how no one knew what would happen once a drone was removed from the hive deliberately. Your work is well known throughout the Federation, even if it was a little unorthodox."

"I wouldn't compare the Maquis to the Borg ma'am. They are both entirely different entities," Sarah replied. "I'm not sure if my skills or experience with studying the Borg are going to help you."

Kathryn sat down on the sofa with her. "Maybe, maybe not. The Borg are considered terrorists for what they do; some consider the Maquis terrorists. Your thesis at the Academy was about terrorist cells on Cardassia Prime. You know how groups like this operate, you know how to get inside their mind, and that's what I need right now."

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Would you like me to abduct a Maquis ma'am? For further study?"

The humor was not lost on the Captain. "No, that won't be necessary," she replied with a faint smile. "What's necessary is that my crew understands how these people think. They're different from us, Sarah; they don't have regulations like we do. They're unpredictable. I'm going to need all the help I can get.

"That's why you asked Tom Paris to come on board, isn't it, Captain?" Sarah inquired.

Kathryn nodded her head. "What about Tom Paris? What are your thoughts on him?"

"He'll help you Captain, if he feels he can get something out of it," Sarah replied, coldly. "I've been reading over his file, he's got the skills to be a great Starfleet officer, he just lacks the attitude of what it takes to be a good officer."

"I tend to agree with you," Kathryn let out a heavy sigh and stood up, Sarah followed suit. "The last of the crew has reported in. We're just waiting for the approval from Ops for departure. I'd like you to study any profiles we have on Commander Chakotay's crew. I want to know what kind of people I'm bringing on board my ship."

"Captain, speaking of bringing people on ship, can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Why are your children here?"

Kathryn stared at her for a moment. Cavit had also informed her, when they had spoken about the young woman questioning where his duty lay, that she had also shown a displeasure in the children being brought on board. The Captain had been expecting this to come up. "I'm aware that you and other officers aren't happy with the situation, to be honest with you, neither am I at times. However, Lieutenant, my personal business is mine and mine alone. If I chose to bring my children on this trip, then I chose to bring my children on this trip, understood?"

Sarah nodded her head as the door chimed again.

"Come in," the Captain called out.

The door to the port entrance of the ready room swished open. Sarah watched as two young men strode into the room, knowing that it was Harry Kim and Tom Paris from the pictures in their personnel files. Tom stood a little ways behind Harry, his hands crossed in front of him. He looked as cocky and arrogant as his picture.

"Gentlemen," Kathryn greeted. "Welcome aboard Voyager." She gestured towards Sarah. "This is Lieutenant Barrett, ship's counselor. If you have any personal issues I suggest that you speak to her."

Harry looked exceedingly nervous, eying the Captain and Counselor. "Thank you sir," he finally addressed Kathryn.

"Mister Kim," the Captain addressed the young Asian man, "at ease before you sprain something." Tom repressed a chuckle as Harry tried to relax. "Ensign," Kathryn continued, stepping up to him, "despite Starfleet protocol I don't like being addressed as sir."

"I'm sorry…ma'am," Kim said, pausing briefly.

Kathryn nodded her head. "Ma'am is acceptable in a crunch, but I prefer Captain." She looked at Paris, then Barrett, and then back to Kim. "We're getting ready to leave. Let me show you to the bridge." Stepping around the young men, Sarah following behind her, Kathryn led the group out onto the Bridge. "Did you have any problems getting here Mister Paris?"

With one little peek back at Kim, Paris replied, "Not at all, Captain."

Harry Kim looked around the bridge like an awestruck child for a moment until he saw that the Captain was trying to introduce them to someone.

"My first officer, Lieutenant Commander Cavit," Kathryn was saying, gesturing to the graying man standing to the right of the group. "Ensign Kim, Mister Paris," she finished, nodding to each man when she said their name.

Cavit reached out and took Kim's hand and shook it. "Welcome aboard," he said warmly to the young ensign. There was however, no warm welcome for Paris. Cavit eyed him with a hostile look and only took his hand when Paris offered it to him. He didn't bother to say anything to the man though, and averted his eyes during the whole hand sake.

This had been the reaction that Sarah Barrett had been expecting from the Commander, and he knew it as well, because the moment he broke the hand shake and stepped away from Paris, his eyes flickered to her stern looking face briefly. Crossing her arms over her chest she watched as the man went to make small talk with Stadi, the helmsmen. The Captain was showing Harry to his station and Paris was standing near her, observing the silent battle going on between First Officer and Counselor. Glancing at the latter, he realized she was a pretty little thing, with a fierce look in her sapphire eyes. Her dark brown hair, which was almost black in the light, was pulled back into a tight French twist, showing off her perfect facial structure. In another place or time, Tom may have seriously thought about asking her on a date.

The First Officer was looking over his shoulder at Janeway, and doing his best to avoid Barrett's glare. Tom found it highly amusing how two small women had made two different Starfleet officers nervous; first Janeway practically had Harry quaking in his boots, and now Barrett was making Cavit do everything in his power to avoid her piercing eyes.

With a small nod of her head, Janeway had told Cavit what to do. "Lieutenant Stadi, lay in our course and clear our departure with operations," Cavit said, descending the steps towards the Conn station. He was happy to see that Lieutenant Barrett went to take her own seat, crossing her ankles and placing the palms of her hands on the bench.

"Course entered. Ops has cleared us," Stadi reported.

"Ready thrusters," Cavit ordered Kim.

"Thrusters ready," Kim responded.

"Initiate launching sequence," Cavit commanded. Kathryn sat down in her command chair. She leaned back in her chair, feeling a familiar exhilaration that she always did while starting out on a mission. It had been a long time since she had felt this way, a real long time.

"Sequence under way," Stadi's voice answered.

"Engage," Kathryn ordered.

The ship pulled away from Deep Space Nine, gracefully floating away from the structure like a butterfly, and flew off into space, in route to find the missing Maquis ship and their missing crewman, Tuvok.

[takadasaiko]

Second Chances: Chapter Eight

FFN II AO3

Summary: Steve has every intention of returning the Infinity Stones to their correct place in the timeline and heading back to his own. His problems start when he makes an impulse decision to jump over to 1946 and Peggy decides to go back home with him. It only gets more complicated from there when Howard tags along with them to 2023. Tony lives fix-it fic. Pepperony.

Chapter Summary: Things don't go as planned when Tony and Steve visit Hank Pym.

Chapter Eight

She'd missed his call while in one of the five back-to-back meetings she had set up for the day, and when Pepper managed to find two minutes to call him back she heard jet engines in the background. Well, that hadn't been what she expected. Of course, neither was the fact that Steve Rogers had brought Tony's father into their time from 1946. No, she was pretty sure that there had been no way to prepare for that one.

"So why are you getting on a plane?" she asked, motioning at the impatient board members that she would only be a moment more.

"Because Cap used the last of the Pym Particles up getting them here," Tony answered, sounding tired.

"Howard coming was not intentional," she heard Steve argue and the smallest of smiles perked her lips.

"Tell Steve welcome home. Are you going to San Francisco then?"

"Yeah. Might be late for dinner."

"Just a little."

"We should have it all wrapped up by tonight though."

"Don't go jinxing yourself."

"Ha."

She adjusted the phone in her hand, risking a glance at the men waiting on her. "How are you doing with it?"

"I feel fine, Pep. Promise, I —"

"I mean with Howard," she clarified, her voice barely above a whisper. He'd struggled so much with the ghost of his father over the years. Every time she thought he had finally been able to put it to rest something came along to reopen old wounds. This last time, when they'd traveled to find the Infinity Stone, it had seemed to help heal them just a little more. She hoped that this wouldn't undo the closure he'd gotten.

She heard a small sound of acknowledgement. "Get back to you on that?"

"I'll hold you to it."

"Listen, hon, we're about to take off. I'll grab a car here when I'm done, so don't worry about me getting home. Could you…. when you're done with everything, could you send Pete over to Cap's place?"

"Sure. Why?"

"Uhh… just left Howard there and he —"

"He doesn't trust Bucky with him," Steve's voice filtered through. "What? You thought you were keeping that a secret?"

"Play nice, boys," she chided softly. "And yes. I'll make sure the kid stops by after I release him from Morgan duty."

"Thanks, Pep. What would I do without you?"

"Oh we've seen it. There tends to be a lot of wallowing. Pretty sure you still don't know your full social."

"I love you."

"You too. Be safe." She ended the call and loosed a long breath. One more meeting, then she had to handle Tony's father. Things were never dull around the man she loved.

                                                       ___________

Steve had spent over a week just trying to navigate through the web that made up Pym Technologies to get to Hank Pym. He'd even tried to reach his daughter a couple of times, but he'd been blocked at every attempt. That was when he had sent Sam out to find Scott, but even that was turning up empty.

Tony, on the other hand, had them on a private plane, flown across the country, and walking through the front doors all in the same day that he'd discovered the problem. As Steve followed behind he was reminded that he'd taken a step into a world Tony navigated well. He should have just told him. It would have saved them both a lot of headache.

"Hey?" he called out. The younger man paused mid-step through the lobby, but it took a long moment before he turned. Steve shook his head. At least some things never changed. Tony did love making a show of things. "This is my fault. I know you and Pym don't exactly see eye to eye, so I'll—"

"I have literally never met the man."

"Really?"

"Rea…. no wait. No. There was one time when I was really young. Like… four. I don't know. It was before I went off to boarding school. It's fine." He stopped as if he were trying to recall a specific memory. "Mostly fine. I'm sure he's over it."

Steve wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know. Even if he did, Tony didn't seem to be interested in telling him. Instead he barreled forward again and Steve had to quicken his pace to catch up.

The security guard at the elevator stopped them until Tony removed his sunglasses and flashed a smile, leaving the guard sputtering and apologizing. He hadn't recognized him. "Hank still up on the top floor?"

"Yessir. He didn't mention —"

"Okay, thanks."

"Mr Stark, you'll need a key card to get up there," the guard managed as Steve passed by.

"No I won't."

He was already pulling his phone from his pocket as Steve followed him into the elevator and the doors snapped shut. Tony pried open the pannel and he was in the system faster than Steve could follow his fingers flying across the clear screen of his Stark phone. "Well, this probably isn't going to garner any good will."

Dark eyes flickered up from the screen and over to him. "I'm sorry, how long did you wait on hold with his secretary?"

"I didn't make it to his secretary," Steve admitted quietly.

"My point exactly." The chime sounded as they reached the top floor. "And if he used Stark Industry security, nobody'd be able to do this."

Steve quirked an eyebrow. "Not even you?"

"Oh, I always can. He just made this too easy." He looked over to the approaching, frenzied secretary. "You use Hammer Tech for your security, don't you? Explains a lot."

"I'm sorry, Mr Stark, but Dr Pym is very busy. You don't have an appointment."

"Don't need one."

"I'm afraid you do."

Tony snorted, amused. "Why don't you ask Dr Pym what it was like to be snapped out of existence one second and back in five years later? Oh yeah. He can tell you because we got him back. I think he can spare ten minutes."

The woman stared at him, and she was at a loss for a response even as the large office doors behind her opened and Hank Pym stepped out, chuckling the whole way. "It's okay, Vicky. This won't take long. Tell Bryan I'll be on the call in ten."

She nodded and Pym motioned for them to follow.

Tony moved immediately, and Steve found himself eyeing every corner of the large, expensively decorated office. It was different than the ones at Stark Industries or even at SHIELD. His attention immediately snapped back to Pym as he spoke, dark blue eyes fixed on Tony.

"You do know how to make a stir. You always have." Pym turned to Steve. "Pleasure to finally meet you in person, Captain. I hear you've been trying to get ahold of me."

"For over a week now," the blond confirmed. He knew he'd been reaching out but hadn't bothered to answer. That didn't look good.

"Listen, Hank. We won't take up too much of your time," Tony started in as Pym circled around his ornate desk and took a seat in the chair, steeping his fingers.

"Or any of it, really. I'm sorry you came all the way across the country to leave empty handed, but you're not getting what you came for."

"You know what we're here for?" Tony asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Well I know your patriotic friend there isn't here to return the Pym Particles I loaned him to make sure he got home in one piece. I hear he wants more. Or you do."

Steve's expression hardened a little watching the CEO who looked like he thought he was sitting on a throne rather than in a desk chair.

"Alright. You know what we want. You know why?" Tony asked after a long moment.

"Why doesn't matter," Pym huffed. "Listen, I appreciate what you kids did. I know you… sacrificed to bring us all back. To beat Thanos." His gaze flickered to the visible scars that the Infinity Stones had left Tony with. "But I'll be damned if I let my tech, my life's work, fall into the hands of a Stark."

The two men were locked in a silent battle of wills that Steve could only watch. He had known that Pym hated Howard and likely held a grudge against Tony for it as well. They had both hoped for a better reception than this. Granted, neither of them had known what Pym knew until that moment. If they had, they might have taken a different approach.

If they had known, it could have changed their minds. He pulled in a breath. "You hate Howard Stark that much -"

"He and SHIELD tried to steal my research."

"Then you're going to want to lend us a vile."

Tony turned to look at him, a warning silent but clear. Steve ignored it. He knew Tony would want to keep the number of people that knew his father had jumped into their time as limited as possible, but this was the only way Steve could see winning Pym over. "I went back to 1946. Howard Stark hopper a ride back with me."

The room fell silent and Pym sat back. He hadn't known that piece of the puzzle. Good. Maybe the gamble would pay off.

"Pre-SHIELD Stark?" Pym confirmed, his voice thin.

"Yes."

"We just want to send him home," Tony added quietly. "We don't want to steal your tech, Hank. We just want to set things straight."

"Maybe you already have."

"What do you mean?" Steve asked carefully.

"He's here. He can't start SHIELD. Can't add his influence to it."

Tony sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose in the first real sign of stress Steve had seen since they'd entered the building. "You're not going to change your past. That's not how —"

"You think I don't know that?" Pym snapped. "But Rogers here opened up a branch timeline. There's another me out there that will never have worked for SHIELD, never have to deal with your father. From the look you gave him, you're trying to keep him underwraps. I can live in a world with him hidden half a country away if it gives another me that chance."

"You've got to be kidding me," Steve managed.

Tony took a step forward, leaning against the desk, his fingers curling around the outer edge. "You're taking petty to a dangerous level here, Pym. The intention was never to bring my dad forward. Having him here—"

"What were you doing in '46?" Pym asked Steve with an irritating smirk. "I mean, that wasn't one of the stop off points, was it?"

"So you're not willing to help us?" Steve asked tightly.

"Nearly anything else, gentlemen, but not this. Security will see you out."

Steve looked to Tony who gave the smallest shake of his head. Not until they were out. They remained quiet as they were escorted downstairs and out the front door. It wasn't until they were halfway down the street to where they had left the car that Tony reached up to his glasses. "FRIDAY, be a dear and activate the decryption program from the little present I left in Pym's office."

If the AI system acknowledged him, Steve couldn't hear it, but if the amused look on Tony's face was anything to go by, she was doing just as he asked. "So what? He doesn't give it to us and you'll just take it?"

Tony shrugged. "I'd rather not, but we need his tech to get Howard back. Don't look at me like that. I have no interest in keeping his formula. I'll crack the code, cook up a vile, and send him on his way. Everybody's happy."

"You're not a chemist."

"But I am a genius. I catch on, and for what I can't, the kid can help. He's got a knack for this sort of thing."

Steve watched him for a long moment before finally nodding. If Tony thought he could safely recreate the Pym Particles, he'd trust him on it. He'd have to.

                                                      ___________

Peter liked to think he took things in stride. Sort of. Kind of. Most of the time. It was really all about perspective. Compared to hopping onto an alien spacecraft and flying to some other galaxy to fight a big purple dude who snapped him out of existence for five years, he couldn't think of much that should be hard to wrap his mind around. Even Captain Roger's sudden appearance back, while surprising, had to have some sort of explanation that made sense. He just hadn't thought that explanation would include two other people from the past coming back with him and Mr Stark on a plane with Cap flying cross-country.

"I, uh…. so is there anything I should know about his…. dad?"

Pepper - who had called Happy to watch Morgan so that she could go with him to Brooklyn - glanced over from the driver's seat. "Tony was worried about his safety."

"Because of Bucky?" Peter tried, and at the look he received for it he shrugged. "I mean, I know that he and Cap got into it over something having to do with his parents' death and Sam said Bucky had moved into the spare bedroom in the apartment that he went back to so…. Am I right?"

"Yes," she admitted softly, the car hitting the slight bump that signalled the end of the bridge.

"But Captain Rogers said he's not brainwashed anymore, so he wouldn't hurt him, right?"

"It's really just to give Tony some peace of mind."

"He wouldn't want you there if he thought it was going to get dangerous."

"Probably not, but I doubt it will."

Okay. So Mr Stark wasn't sending his wife to babysit him. Good. That was good. Peter pursed his lips, struggling to find the right way to ask without it coming across as rude. "So, uh… why are you going?"

"For my peace of mind," his mentor's wife answered tightly, and that focused look she wore left him fairly certain that he shouldn't push any further on it.

He didn't know a lot about Howard Stark. He and Tony had had a strained relationship when the older man had been alive, but Tony seemed to care about him even if it was complicated. There was a painting in the lobby of the Stark Industries building they were just coming from and apparently he'd been the one to start the company from scratch right around World War Two. He'd known Captain Rogers and had been killed by a brainwashed Bucky Barnes. That was it. All the knowledge the teen had on his mentor's father, but that was still more than the man himself would have, from what he heard. Cap had pulled in from the 1940's.

"So, uh…. did you ever meet him?"

"He was gone by the time Tony and I met," Pepper said as she pulled the car over and allowed it to parallel park for her.

Peter stepped out and looked up at the building. "This place must cost Captain Rogers a fortune."

"Not too much. His landlord has a soft spot for him, no matter how angry they get at each other," Pepper said, amusement lining her voice.

"Mr Stark owns the building?"

"Don't tell Steve. Tony'd never forgive us."

Peter flashed her a grin and followed her up. She seemed to know just where to go, but if he were honest he couldn't recall a time when Pepper Potts had been anything but prepared. They stopped at the door and she squared her shoulders back, pulling in a deep breath. She didn't knock though.

"Are you nervous?" he asked quietly and she turned to look at him, her expression softening a little.

"No, more worried."

"About what?"

"Tony," she answered and tapped her knuckles against the door without further explanation.

There was a beat. Then another. Finally Peter heard the sound of locks being undone and a woman he didn't recognize opened the door. "Yes?" she greeted them in a British accent.

"You must be Peggy Carter. I'm Pepper. Tony's wife."

The woman looked her up and down as if she weren't immediately ready to believe her. Finally her expression softened a bit. "Steve mentioned the boy."

"I'm Peter. And, uh, I'm fifteen."

Those soft brown eyes came to rest on him. "Are you now? I'd have wagered younger."

The teen gaped as Peggy Carter stepped aside. "Won't you come in?"

Peter scurried after Pepper, feeling more than a little intimidated by the woman that stood only a couple of inches shorter than Pepper, both taller than him in their heels.

"I wanted to drop by. See how things were going," Pepper offered, her voice pleasant.

"Sergeant Barnes isn't here," Ms Carter said stiffly. "Steve hasn't told the full story yet, but I got the distinction impression your husband isn't fond of him."

"The disagreement over him landed Tony with several cracked ribs and a fractured arm. Not to mention a rift between him and a good friend that had only just started to heal when he went away."

Peter blinked hard. Pepper's voice was ice cold, almost dangerous. Maybe there was more to the whole fallout than he knew. Probably. He hadn't known that Cap - or maybe Bucky? - had hurt Tony during the fight. Maybe it was after he'd been delivered back to Queens. It wasn't like Mr Stark had given him a followup on everything that happened.

"A valid reason then," Ms Carter acknowledged and Pepper backed down ever so slightly.

"Howard Stark…"

"Tinkering with something in the back room over there. There's no pulling him away when he's fixated. He'll come out eventually."

"Like father, like son."

A small smile tilted the British woman's lips. "From the brief few moments in which I met him, I'd say so."

Pepper's gaze swept the apartment. "I know Sam and Bucky were staying here…"

"It's been a full house," the other woman acknowledged. "I had my share of tents and close quarters in the war, as everyone in this flat has. I suppose if they're successful, though, we'll be down an occupant."

The sound of a door opening drew their attention and a dark haired man sauntered out. He looked a lot like Mr Stark, but somehow less like his older self that Peter had seen by way of photos and the painting. That man was stiff and stern, while this one bounced a little when he walked, a curious look at everything his gaze touched. His smile broadened when he caught sight of Pepper. "Well hello."

"Howard, this is Tony's wife," Ms Carter said pointedly.

The smile didn't falter, even if it turned a little sheepish. "Ah. My future-present daughter-in-law. Pleased to meet ya. Howard Stark, but I'm sure you know that."

"I do," Pepper said, reaching out to take his offered hand.

Instead of shaking it, he pulled it to his lips. "My son has great taste."

Pepper looked like she was trying to talk herself out of popping him upside the head. "Howard — If I may?"

"I insist."

" — this is Peter. Tony's been mentoring him."

"Are you as clever as my boy?" Howard Stark asked, and Peter couldn't help but think he looked genuinely proud at the statement, absurd as it was that a man that he was certain couldn't have been as old as Mr Stark - and from everything he was hearing had come from a time long before he'd been born - was owning any sort of influence over the man Mr Stark had become.

"No sir, but I'm learning a lot from him." There, that seemed like a safe answer.

And apparently one that Howard like. He cuffed Peter in the arm. "Ha! Good kid." He turned back to Pepper. "So, you two here to make sure I don't go running off, because you don't have to worry about that. Peg's been keeping me on lockdown."

"We just wanted to stop by and see how things are going," Pepper answered diplomatically.

"Ah. Well, better if I could leave this tiny little place. Stuff five people into a two bedroom apartment. Who does that?"

"Plenty of people," Ms Carter answered sharply.

Pepper's cell phone rang and she offered a quick excuse meas she stepped away. Those dark brown eyes that looked like carbon copies of Mr Stark's latched onto Peter. "So, kid, how'd you get wrapped into this? You seem a little young to be in the super hero biz. Even in our day you're s'pose to be eighteen to serve your country."

"Oh, I, uh…. intern for Mr Stark. I'm just learning from him."

"So no fancy costume for you, huh?"

"Well….." He swallowed hard, turning back to Ms Carter. "How are you liking New York?"

"I've actually been in New York for a while. It's the twenty-first century I'm getting used to."

"I busted her trip," Howard chuckled. He looked like he thought it was all a joke, while Ms Carter thought it was anything but that.

"So are you on your way back?" Pepper asked, cradling the phone to her ear. "I can…. oh. Should I let the lawyers know or not? Okay. I know nothing. Fly safe. I'll see you when you get here." She ended the call. "The boys are on their way home."

"How did it go?" Ms Carter asked.

"They didn't get what they wanted in the way that they wanted it, but Tony is nothing if not creative. It'll just take a little longer this way."

It didn't take Peter's Spidey Sense to catch the wave of disappointment wafting off Ms Carter, nor the pure excitement radiating from Howard Stark. Pepper didn't seem to miss the former either. "You know, it's awfully crowded here, and we have a spare room at our place. It's a couple hours out of the city, but I know it'd help Tony not to worry if he knew Howard was safe and —"

"We couldn't impose," Ms Carter said quickly.

"You think he'd be alright with me coming out to your place?" Howard asked, his tone more hesitant than Peter would have thought he had in him.

"I think it might be the best solution we have with the hand we've been dealt," Pepper answered. "What do you say?"

"Sounds perfect."

"Howard," Ms Carter warned softly.

"Peg," he said, his voice so quiet that only Peter's advance hearing picked it up, "please. Give me a chance to make this right before I gotta go?"

She shot him a conflicted look, but finally caved. "It would open up some space here."

"Then it's settled," Pepper said firmly. "Howard will come home with us."

                                                      ___________

Tony had known something was wrong - or at the very least not going the way he would have liked it to - the moment that Pepper met them on the tarmac, and it hadn't taken her long to let him in on what that was. He listened, holding his tongue and his potentially hasty feelings of betrayal as in check as he was capable, as she walked him through her thought process. Barnes was living at that apartment. That was his home, and they were overcrowded as it was. Taking Howard outside the city would limit his exposure and keep Tony from hiking in and out until this was resolved. He could work from home - less likely to alert Pym to what he was doing - and they could keep an eye on Howard. She knew it wasn't ideal. This whole fiasco was anything but ideal. From where she stood it did appear to be the -

"Okay."

Those beautiful blue eyes turned on him. "I thought you'd fight this harder."

"I don't have to like it for it to make sense. We should probably get straight what we're telling Morgan though."

"She'll be sound asleep by the time we get home."

"Right." He was exhausted, the day weighing on him. Well, at least he got to go home to his own bed. That was something.

Pepper reached up, her fingers against his cheek. "You're not facing this alone, you know that, right?"

A small smile tugged at his lips and he leaned in, feeling her meet him halfway. "I know."

She nodded, offering him a smile of her own and he wrapped an arm around the small of her back to walk with her. "Hey, Cap? You need a lift?"

"Wrong way, isn't it?" Steve asked. "Hi, Pepper."

"We're taking Howard with us. So says the missus."

Pepper rolled her eyes at the teasing tone and popped him lightly on the shoulder. "We thought we'd open up some space at your place."

Steve caught Tony's gaze as if he were searching for some indication that this was alright. Tony shrugged. "When have you ever seen me do something I wasn't willing to do?"

"Fair," Steve chuckled. "I'll take that ride as long as Pepper drives."

"What are you trying to say, Rogers?" Tony groused as they started for the car.

"I'm trying to say that I've faced the worst of the worst and your driving terrifies me more."

Pepper snorted a laugh as she released her hold on him to aim for the driver's seat. Tony shot her a look of pure indignation. "Traitor."

"I can't help it if Steve's right."

He gave them both a melodramatic groan as he circled around to the passenger's seat, pausing as Steve pulled open the door behind him. "Hey." He waited for the older man to look over. "Good to have you back…. even if you brought the chaos with you."

"That's not going away anytime soon, is it?"

"Nope," Tony answered cheerfully and hopped in the car. The trip hadn't gone as planned, but nothing had that day. They'd take Howard home with them and regroup in the morning. The sooner he could get what he needed from his decryption programs, the sooner he and the kid could start synthesising what they needed to send Howard home. He just had to be patient and this would all be over soon.

                                                      ___________

TBC

Notes: I feel like these chapters are getting longer.... Originally I was planning to keep them around 2K or so to write quickly. This one is over 4K. Ah well. The chapter wants what it wants. Who wants to start placing bets on if Hank is going to figure out that Tony's in his systems? :P

Next Time: Howard tries to gather some information while Tony struggles to focus on the task at hand.

[littleliv1]

I Was Born To Love You- Part Seven

Hey guys! For starters, yes, I know this one is longer, and yes, I know a director of a movie wouldn't let everyone take days off to be with an assistant giving birth. And yes, I'm aware that it probably took them longer than 9 months to make the movie. Just pretend like everything worked out okay?!?

Summary: Leah finally gives birth to her son, who she named after a very important figure in her life, giving him the cutest nick name. She and Ben exchange their feelings for one another.

Warnings: it's kind of gross, she gives birth, language, fluff LOTS OF FLUFF,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Weeks had passed since the baby shower. The guys helped me set up the baby's room. They all asked me the name, but I told them I didn't want to decide until I saw him. Truthfully, I wasn't sure. Nothing has happened with Ben and I, though. I was 8 months pregnant. He was due in four weeks. I've grown to love him more than I've ever loved anyone. But man was I scared. I would eventually be alone to take care of him. The dogs were growing up. Easily trainable, though. That's good. I was never truly alone.

We were at the studio. They were filming their final scenes, filming would be done within the next few days. I was [huge]. It was hard to fit anywhere, I couldn't drive, and things were hurting. Lucy has been so good during this time. I was officially divorced, but I didn't think of myself as single. I belonged to the only man in my life, my son. I loved the name Harrison. I got lost in my trail of thought, as I heard Bryan telling me to hurry with a task I was apparently in the middle of. I finished whatever it was that I was doing, not realizing I was staring at Ben the whole time. But he sure noticed. Man, I know exactly how to make a fool of myself. I looked away quickly. I came to Bryan when I was done. "Thank you dear, take a few hours to yourself." He said. I nodded, smiling and went back into the group meeting room. That's just where my stuff was. I sat down, feeling my belly burning. It was my skin so dry. I started to rub some cocoa butter on it. It had hints of lavender in it, so it really relaxed me. I laid my head back, letting my thoughts take over.

The thought of Bens hands rubbing this on my belly, as I sit in between his legs, while we watch the sun set, the light glimmering off of his face just perfectly. He was so perfect. This should be his baby. I think I'm falling in l-

My thoughts were interrupted by Gwilym who was in full Brian May costume. My eyes widen. "I don't think I can ever get used to seeing you like that," I said, rubbing the lotion in more, and then pulling my shirt down. I sat up a little, resting my hands on my belly. "Sorry to interrupt you, just left my phone in here, I have to call Angie back." He said. I'm not sure how I like this new girl he's talking to. She's very demanding, always getting mad if he doesn't answer her right away, even got mad at him for coming to my baby shower. "I understand, dear."

As he started to ring her, I felt a small pain. It kind of felt like gas, or maybe I was a bit hungry. I guess Gwilym could see the look of discomfort on my face, because he stopped ringing Angie and sat on the coffee table in front of the couch I was on. "Are you alright?" He said. I took a minute to breath, the feeling passed, but I was still hungry. "Yeah I'm fine, I think I want to go to a buffet." I said. He laughed at the comment. "Well I think Bryan will let us off for an hour or so and we could all go out to eat, sound good, Momma?" He said, patting my knee. Momma was a new nickname the guys had made for me. I really didn't mind it, I thought it was sweet. "Yes, sounds lovely." I said smiling at him.

A few minutes passed and all four guys plus Brian and Roger came in. They heard I wanted food and all chimed in wanting food. So we all went to 'Fosters Buffet and Bar' to grab a bite.

Once we got into the empty restaurant, we were sat immediately. We started to fill our plates with all kinds of things. I got mashed potatoes, fries, what looked to be a vegetarian lasagna, and some fresh tomatoes. I hadn't eaten meat my entire pregnancy. After basically inhaling my food and three plates later I keep feeling those weird pains. I'd been having Braxton Hicks contractions and they didn't exactly feel like that, I just figured maybe I ate too much. "Feel better, momma?" Gwilym said, rubbing my back. I didn't want to scare anyone with a false alarm, so I lied and nodded my head. We then returned to the set to finish filming.

I was walking around on set, watching everyone film, and held Bryan's coffee as he explains what he wants from the actors. It was one of the final scenes. They had a few more weeks of filming left, but they were almost done. We were inside for this particular scene, however. All of a sudden, I felt something. It didn't exactly hurt, it kind of felt like a small period cramp but then- holy shit. It turned a mild cramp into blinding pain. I took all of the pregnancy classes, I wanted to give birth naturally with no medications, Ben showed up to a bunch of them, but I knew how to coach myself through them. Just not this first one.

The pain grew worse. So bad it took me a minute to process. So bad that I dropped Bryan's coffee and the clip board. Everyone knew what was happening once they saw my expression. Ben came out of no where, and grabbed my hand with his hand and my back with his other. Then came the screaming. I really couldn't help it. It felt like lasted an eternity until the pain slowed enough for me to speak. "Im s-so sorry for the coff-ee-e," I managed to get out. I started to breath, remembering what my birthing coach taught me. "Should I call your midwife?" Ben said. "N-not yet, my wa-water-" and with that, my body knew it was time once I felt a small leak between my legs that turned into a busted water pipe. '[Holy hell],' I thought. I really didn't think it'd be that much. "I'm calling her," He said. He started to guide me outside. "You guys can finish without me. I'm not even in this scene. Come by her house once you're done, it'll be a while, yes, hi Amanda," He started, I assumed she answered. She knew he wasn't the father, but she always told me he'd make a damn good one. And I always agreed.

We got outside and he drove us to my house. On the way there, [more] liquid started coming out. "I'm so sorry but I'm leaking on your car seat," I said, trying to laugh but interrupted by another contraction. The 20 minute tie felt like a 20 year one. The mid-sized husky/border collie pups, who we named Sasha and Bevin, started to jump on me, welcoming me home. "I love them so much but damnit get them into the dinning room and close the doors, they have food and water in there." I instructed Ben, as he did so immediately. He walked me to my bed room as another contraction hit. This one wasn't as bad, now that I had been on top of the pain, doing my breathing exercises. I was finally in the comfort of my own home. Austin made it clear that he didn't care when the baby was born. He offered to pay child support, but honestly, fuck him. I make enough money to support me and my son. I found the back of the couch through the pain, leaning on it as I felt Ben behind me, rocking my hips side to side. He talked to me through it. I couldn't tell you why, but him doing that felt good, it seemed to relieve some of the pressure.

I was breathing in and out, when my midwife arrived. "Hi, sweetheart," said the middle aged, red head. Her presence was also comforting. She had dark green eyes, and tattooed eyeliner. She had a country accent. "Hi," I said, still swaying my hips through the pain. It stopped after a few more seconds. I leaned back up, and started to rub my belly. "How have contractions been so far? Have you been timing them?" She asked recording it on her clipboard, which had cartoon koala bears on it. "Uh, I think-" "Between the first and second was 10 minutes, then it was 8, those are all the ones so far." Bed said, looking at her, then my bump, grazing his hand on it. 'Huh,’ I thought. "Alright, well just like we've talked about, let's get some fresh sheets on the bed, along with a butt load of towels. I'll unload my equipment." She said. I nodded, Ben and I walking down the hallway. I grabbed about 10 towels, and he was quick- as quick as you could be when gently taking off sheets and blankets and then folding them and setting them in a different room- to replace the sheets. "All I'm saying is that was not necessary," I said referring to his little neat freak episode, managing to laugh it out. He shrugged his shoulders smirking. "Hey-" He started but was intreated by Amanda. "Alright, good good. Leah, why don't you put on a sports bra, and some shorts for your modesty and I'll check to see how dilated you are." She said. I nodded, ripping my shirt and pants off, as fast as I could for being 34 weeks pregnant. Wait. 34? He's a month early. This was concerning to me. As soon as I managed to get shorts on, with the help of Ben, I had to bring it up. "Amanda, he's 4 weeks early. Is this safe?" I asked. She smiled. "Baby's come when they're ready. Don't stress about it. If there is an issue, the hospital is left than thirty minutes away." She said, patting the bed. I laid down, pulling my shorts off. It felt weird to be like this, but Ben didn't look, he always just looked at my face. "Hm, you're only about three centimeters dilated. It'll be a while. If you want to snack a little bit, now it the chance. After 5, it's no more. Nothing big, okay?" She said. I nodded my head, pulling my shorts back on. I got out of the bed, feeling another contraction.

This one was painful. "8 minutes again," Ben said, almost noting it to himself. "Mmmmmm," was all I could manage out. It moaned in pain. Ben came up from behind me, holding my hands in his, leaning us forward a bit. Again, swaying slightly. He was so calm and that's just what I needed. I squeezed his hands as hard as I could. But I managed to breath through it. Once it finally ended, I ate a protein bar. My favorite one, it was a apple pie cliff bar. That was all I could manage before I got to six centimeters. From the time I was four to six, five hours had gone by. I felt like this was the slowest labor ever.

Soon enough, the guys and Lucy got here. Ben was holding me through another contraction, as he saw them walk in. He smiled, giving them all a 'Hey' or 'hello'. He was just so nonchalant. They started to last longer and it was getting harder to do this. Especially without my mom. I had always pictured it'd be her walking through the front door, asking how her baby is doing delivering her first grandson. She and my dad were all I could think about. I closed my eyes, and tried to imagine what it would be like if things were normal.

"Hey! Hey, Leah, Nate and Lisa are here!" I heard Austin say while guiding me through some hard contractions. "There's my girl!" My mum said, cupping my face with her hands. She smelled like flowers. "Hurry up with this! I have to meet my grandson!" I heard Dad yell. I laughed through it. Mum came up to my belly, patting it. I looked down at my bump. "I know you're ready, my love. I'm ready, too." I whispered. My mum took a picture of us two- almost three. The picture was perfect. "Oh my girl!" She said, her voice draining out.

My thoughts were again interrupted. "57 seconds," Ben said, looking at Amanda. "Hey guys," I whispered, drained of energy. Lucy's face was bright, as she let go of Rami's arm and slowly walked over to me. "How are you, my love?" She said, cupping my face and kissed my check. "I'm okay, the contractions are getting worse. I'm hoping he comes before you guys pass out." I said jokingly. Everyone laughed quietly. "We got some strong brewed coffee on the way here. Plus we're all hyped on adrenaline." Rami said. "I can't wait to meet this sweet little boy." Joe said, kneeling in front of me, smiling. "Would it be okay if I took a selfie with your bump?" He said. I laughed at the odd request but I gave him permission. "I have an idea! Can we paint a loading screen that's all the way 'loaded' and say sending? Like in one of your picture on Instagram, Leah, how it says '50% loaded' when you were 5 months?" Lucy said. I nodded my head. "Might wanna hurry, they're getting closer." I showed them to the body paints and they were quick to do it. I started to contract again with the paint on. Ben held my hands from behind leaning forward, coaching me threw it in my ear. Joe captured a picture of it. He posted his selfie along with that picture and captioned it "Baby Mallory is on his way!"

A few hours of lame jokes and many many contractions later, I was almost ready to push. Nine centimeters. She had me on the bed, and checked me. My stomach turned in knots. "Alright everyone. It's time. Ben can stay in, but I'll have to ask everyone to leave the room." She said. They all kissed me on the forehead, wishing me luck. Before leaving, Lucy lot some candles and turned on my calming sound track. '[I fucking love that woman,'] I thought to myself. And it began.

"On your next contraction, start to push." She said. I nodded my head, closing my eyes for a moment, then opened them up to meet Bens. For a moment, I wasn't in pain. I couldn't feel the labor. Looking into his eyes made all of that go away. "Ben," I started. "Yes?" He said. He knew what I wanted to say. "I-" I tried to start, but was again interrupted by the worst pain I've ever felt. I broke my left femur in a bad car wreck when I was 16, and that was nothing compared to this. I couldn't help but to scream. I have to say, I was proud of myself that that was the first time I screamed during labor. But I couldn't focus on pride, I had to meet my son.

Ben held my hand as I pushed for the first time. "Alright, that's it, that's it," she said, counting up to ten. "Nine- and ten." She finished. I took a moment, then had to push again. I started to focus on the music. I focused on the words of 'Sign on the Window' by Bob Dylan. "You're doing great, Leah. You got this." Ben said, I could only hear him faintly. The pain was now not only blinding, but deafening. It felt like someone lite a match and stuck it inside of me. Like something was tearing its way out. And it quite literally was.

'Sign on the door says no company allowed'

All I could hear was the song, the tamber of Bens voice, and the word 'ten'.

'Ten'

Push

'Ten'

Push

'Head, head' I faintly heard.

'Ten'

Push

A new sound entered. It took seconds to realize it was the sound of a baby. My baby. He was finally here. My already tear soaked eyes, started to sob. "My baby, my baby boy," I whaled. Ben looked at me with a huge grin, also crying.

His cry was the most beautiful song. He was the most perfect baby.

But blood was everywhere. "Leah, do you want to cut the umbilical cord?" She asked. I shook my head, looking at Ben. "I want him to," I said, putting my finger on his chest. "Really?" He said. I nodded my head, wiping his tears from his eyes. He kissed the palm of my hand. He leaned down and cut the cord. "I'm sorry, but I saw your vagina." He said. We both laughed, as Amanda took him to clean him up. I looked into his eyes once again. "Ben," I started. "Yes?" He said, once more. "Thank you for doing everything you've done for me while being pregnant." I said, smiling up. "I'll do everything I can still. As long as you'll let me." He said. I nodded my head, sobbing again. "This baby needs a daddy. And if you're willing to raise a baby that isn't yours, I hope to God it could be you." I said to him. Maybe that was too much. But he didn't seem to mind. He kissed me. The second kiss we've shared. "Be apart of our family?" I asked him. And he nodded, kissing me again.

About ten minutes later, he was clean. She gave my son to Ben, and started to clean me up. It had been about an hour. We replaced the sheets as well as we could without me moving, and we were ready to try feeding. Ben handed my the boy. He hadn't opened his eyes yet. "He's a hungry one, look, he's grabbing for you," Amanda said. And he was. I laughed a bit. I had stopped crying, and pulled out my swollen breast. He knew immediately what was going on and ate right away. I squealed a bit, looking at Ben. "Does it feel weird?" He asked. "A little, but normal. A good weird, but normal." I said, smiling at him, then the baby. "Does the boy have a name yet?" She asked. I brought my smile up to meet her. "Yes. His name is Nathaniel. After my dad. Nathaniel Brian Roger Mallory. The three greatest men that I've ever had in my life." I said.

Taglist: @amy-brooklyn99 @florenceivy

[megamanx1994]

Captain Falcon: The First Peacekeeper (Part 2) Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Great Divide (Disclaimer!! I own nothing of Nintendo or Inuyasha! Except for my OCs.) I was walking into GSI where I was called for some kind of meeting. “I wonder what they want from me,” I said, “Its not like I did anything wrong.” I finally found the boarding room. There, I saw Little Mac, my old friend Tessa, and others. “Sit down Mr. Shay,” said Someone. I sat down. “I don’t believe we met,” he said, “My name is Joseph Dimaccio, head of the N.G.O.S, the New Government of Seattle.” “Sooooo what’s all this about?” I asked. "We're here to congratulate you Nicholas for all of your hard work," he said, "The world owes you and your friends for all of the things you've done for us... however..." "However what?" i asked. "However, some have been concerned with how your actions have resulted," said Dimaccio, "People are afraid." “That’s why I’m here,” said someone. I turned around and saw Korra. "Korra... what a surprise," I said. “I don’t know how else to say this,” she said, “We need to be put in check. Whatever form that takes I’m all for it.” “What are you talking about?” I asked. “Nicholas, while many people see you as a hero, there are some who prefer the term vigilante,” said Dimaccio. "What word would you use?" i asked. "How about Dangerous," said Dimaccio, "What else would you call a group of biologically enhanced superhumans that seem unconcerned about the mess they leave behind?" He showed us footage from my beginning days as Power Man to the most recent fight at the party. “For 2 years you’ve been acting with unlimited power and no supervision," he said, "This is something the world can no longer tolerate. However there is a solution” He gave me a document that asks that I resign from doing herowork. “From now on you will have to oblige to my rules,” he said, “The Hyrule Accords is a document that will sign all bio-humans with the government, and will allow you to go to specific places only when and if the panel deems it necesarry.” “What?” I asked. “And if you defy these rules, there will be consequences,” he said. “Y-you can’t do this to us,” I said. “I can and I have,” he said, “This discussion is over. You have 72 hours to decide.” I was walking out angry about the situation. “Nicholas I….” said Korra. “I can’t believe you’re siding with them!” I said, “I thought we were friends.”  “OF course we’re friends, but sometimes things just happen,” said Korra, “And there’s nothing you can do about it, so why bother?” “Look,” I said, “I can’t just sit back pretending I don’t see something happening. If I see someone in danger, I have to save them.” “Look you have every right to be angry about this,” said Korra, “But if you can’t accept limitations, then you’re no better than the bad guys.” “Korra, if I see that someone’s about to get hurt, I can’t ignore it,” I said, “Sometimes I wish I could.” “Nick, it would do everyone a favor if you just sign the document,” she said. “Forget it,” I said, “I’m not selling my soul to them just to keep Seattle safe from anymore collateral damage.” I walked away. “Nicholas, some things are just….. beyond our control,” she said. “That’s not the way I see it,” I said. Colleen was looking for me. “There you are,” she said. “What do you want?” I asked. “Dude some soldiers were waiting for a demonstration and you never showed up,” she said. “What do you care?” I asked. “Well for starters, I had to cover your ass,” she said. “I didn’t ask you to,” I said. “No, but the commander did,” she said, “I was just doing as I was told.” “Whatever,” I said. She followed me. “Ok what’s going on dude?” she asked, “You’re not your useful cheerful self today.” “I don’t wanna talk about it,” I said. Bryan, one of Colleen’s comrades came by. “Come on dude, talk to us,” he said. I pushed him to a wall and put a fake blade near his head. “I said I don’t wanna talk about it!” I said. “And I can respect that,” said Bryan. “Nicholas?” asked Colleen. “Fine, I was just at a meeting and apparently they want to put a law against half humans,” I said. “What?” asked Colleen. “After my little mess yesterday they decided that enough is enough,” I said. “Can’t your team do something?” asked Bryan. “First off this ‘team’ you speak of doesn’t exist anymore,” I said, “And second of all…. They’re gone.” “Well look Nick, no matter what happens I’ll be by your side,” said Colleen, “Because you’re my best friend.” “Thanks,” I said. I started to walk away. “Look,” she said, “I know how you feel.” “Don’t,” I said. “When your friends left….” I pulled away. “I said ‘don’t’,” I said. “Maybe its time we moved on from the past,” said Colleen. I headed out. “I may have fast healing, but even I have wounds that take longer to heal,” I said. Later I was heading to the place where Wendy works. “Hey,” she said, “I didn’t expect to see you here.” “Well here I am,” I said. “Did Colleen forget something?” asked Wendy. “No, I just thought we could hang out,” I said. “I guess you can’t get enough of the infamous Wendy,” she said as she grinned. “Unless you only like me because you know I’m power man,” I said. She came to me. “So…. What’s the deal?” she asked, “I rarely see you hanging around other people. Antisocial much?” “Not exactly,” I said, “I had a group of really great friends. I don’t….. I don’t talk to them anymore.” “Why?” asked Wendy. “Things just got complicated and now…. They all left and I’m the only one here,” I said. “It happens,” said Wendy, “I actually know how you feel.” “You do?” I asked. “So my friend Rose and I were semi-finalist in the dance competition right?” she asked, “Rose was determined to win first place and make sure I won 2nd, she was training hard with me and them wham! I kicked her right in the face.” “Wow,” I said. “She had a broken jaw, swollen lip, and a black eye,” said Wendy, “My best friend since the sixth grade…. Never spoke to me again.” She looked down to the floor. “Ohhh, but…. Its not like you meant it,” I said. “Yeah… some stuff is just beyond our control,” she said, “Give me a sec to close up shop and we can get somethin’ to eat. Sushi.” I heard glass break. “What was that?” I asked. I was looking at a strange white haired guy. “Its here,” he said, “I know it. “Who the hell are you?” I asked. “You don’t recognize me do you?” he asked. “No why should….” I said. Something jogged in my memory. “OH my god, you’re that guy from the party,” I said. “What’s it to you?” he asked. “Why’d you dye your hair white?” I asked. “Ok are you gonna ask a bunch of questions?” he asked. He saw Wendy come out. “Found ya,” he said. Wendy started to run. The guy chased after her. “You picked the wrong day to mess with InuYasha!” he said. “Get away from her!” I shouted as I pushed him away. “alright now you’ve done it,” he said. He got out a giant sword. “Ok let’s do this,” I said as I got my beam sword out. We clashed at each other. “Your sword’s no match for my Tetsuiga,” he said. He dashed at me. “Try this one for size!” he shouted. I countered and kicked him in the face. “Iron Reaver Soul Stealer!” he shouted. He did a claw attack and it scratched my face. I kept fighting him. “What the fuck is your deal?!” I said. “You’re not stopping me from taking down that half demon!” said InuYasha. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I said still blocking his attack. “Liar!” he shouted. He kicked me in the knee and slashed me and I fell to the ground. “Time to finish it,” he said. Someone lunged at InuYasha stopping his attack. It was Wendy…. But she looked different. Her skin was pale and she had some kind of mark on her face. “Keep. Away. From him,” she said. She suddenly regained control and turned normal again. “The next time your symbol comes up, don’t answer it,” said InuYasha, “Power-Man is dead.” He started to walk away. “Tell me,” I said, “If you’re a half demon, do you bleed?” He ran off. “You will,” I said. I turned around and looked for Wendy and it started raining. “Wendy?” I asked, “Where are you?” I saw a purple light. “Wendy?” I asked. She turned and saw me. “Go….. run away like all the others,” she said. “What are you talking about?” I asked. “You saw it…. Didn’t you?” she asked. “Yeah,” I said. “Then you have a right to be scared of me,” she said tears streaming down her eyes, “Now I get to go back to having no friends…” I took her hand. “Wendy, I’m not going anywhere,” I said, “I made a promise to be your friend no matter what, and I intend to keep it.” She looked at me. “Thank you,” she said as she hugged me. “Its ok,” I said, “Tell me everything.”

Wendy told me everything about how sht got her powers and why she spent the rest of her life hiding. “So you just kept running after your parents threatened to turn you in?” I asked. “Yes…. They knew what they would do to people like me… and they did it anyway,” she said with tears in her eyes. “That’s horrible,” I said, “I’d never do that to someone who’s close to me.” She noticed blood on my hand. “You’re bleeding,” she said. “Oh, its nothing,” I said. “Don’t say that,” said Wendy. Her hands glowed with energy and she touched them. The blood healed and my arm wasn’t hurting. “How did you do that?” I asked. “I have some kind of magic tricks,” she said, “They can heal other people’s wounds.” “Incredible,” I said. “You mean…. You don’t hate me for being a bio-human?” asked Wendy. “Of course not,” I said. She hugged me. “Thank you,” said Wendy. Inuyasha was getting his scars healed after a fight with me and Wendy. “I could’ve gotten him,” he said, “He’s the one causing all this chaos.” “I don’t think so Inuyasha,” said Kagome, “He seems to kind of a person to hurt others.” “But still.. he just doesn’t seem like a hero,” said Inuyasha. “Are you by any chance jealous of him?” asked Kagome. “No,” said Inuyasha, “I just wanna make sure he is who he says he is.” Ghirahim was watching. “Oh you will,” said Ghirahim, “And by then it will already be too late.” Some servants brought something into his lair. “We’ve found it,” said one of them. They opened the bag revealing Zant’s corpse. “Its time,” said Ghirahim. The next day I was asleep on my bench doing research. The phone rang. “Hello?” I asked. “Hey,” said Korra, “Its me.” “What do you want?” I asked. “Is that any way to greet a girl?” asked Korra, “Anyways you gotta check this out.” “What is it?” I asked. “The half demon,” said Korra, “We found it.” We were at the secret weapons facility where Luna was. “It looks like I finally got a picture of the half demon,” said Luna, “Now we just have to find it.” “Then what will we do?” I asked curiously. “We’ll bring it to commander Dimaccio and he will decide his or her fate,” said Kuviera. Luna got the DNA and put it in the computer. It revealed someone familiar and I gasped. “No….” I said. “You know her?” asked Asami. “I…. I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. “You saw her,” said Kuviera. “……Yes,” I said. “That’s all we need to know,” said Korra, “Now we have to find her.” “Who says we have to do that?” I asked. “The N.G.O.S,” said Korra, “We have our orders and you have ours.” “Korra, is this what Avatar Aang would’ve did?” I asked. “If it was for the good of his loved ones then yes,” said Korra, “You’re either with us, or against us. Its your choice.” That word echoed in my head. “Now if you’ll excuse me,” said Korra, “I have to get ready.” Asami looked at me staring out into the sky. “I know how much she means to you,” said Asami, “You’ll do us all a favor if you stay out of this one.” I was at a bar talking to Colleen, Finn, and Princess Bubblegum. “I can’t do this by myself,” I said, “I need your help to do this.” “So basically someone is framing Wendy for the mass murders going on,” said Finn, “And you think Wendy is innocent.” “That’s right,” I said. “Nicholas…. I’m not gonna turn against you,” she said, “I just wanna make sure we consider our options. Because people who shoot at you will more than likely shoot at us too.” “So are you in?” I asked. “Yeah,” said Colleen. “Count me in too,” said someone. It was Luna. “Something tells me we were given the wrong blood,” she said, “I wanna help you guys find out who’s the real half demon behind all this.” “The more the merrier,” I said, “Where’s Megaman?” “Recovering after an intense battle,” said Luna, “But luckily I still have my paintbrush.” She swung it around like a sword and smashed something. “Dude, put thing away!” said a man, “There’s like children here!” “Oops,” she said. “We’ll have to do it in secret though,” I said, “If we’re gonna get intel on the real half demon, we might as well make a few adjustments.” Colleen was giving us some makeovers. I got a lether jacket and a new hairdo and put on some shades. “Its funny, I almost didn’t recognize who you were,” said Colleen. “Well at least you know a familiar face under the shades and we can all work a normal light,” I said. We spent the next few days getting intel and information on the real half demon. With all the info we realized that someone was pulling the strings. I then took them to where I was hiding Wendy. “Nicholas…” she said, “Who are they?” “They’re here to help,” I said, “We’ve been getting intel on the half demon we think is responsible for what’s happening.” “I promise you I didn’t do those things,” said Wendy. “And I believe you,” I said, “But the people who think you did are after you, and I don’t think they’ll settle for taking you in alive.” Wendy was scared. “But I won’t let them lay one finger on you,” I said, “I promise.” I heard sirens. “Oh shit,” said Colleen, “Its their task force!” I grabbed my beam sword. “Get Wendy out of here,” I said. “I’m not going without you,” said Colleen. One of them busted the doors down. “Time to break out the heavy artillery,” said Colleen. She put on a backpack. “What is that?” I asked. Wings came out of it. “You think you’re the only guy Luna makes stuff for?” she asked, “Now let’s fight!” The task force came upstairs. “Arrest them!” said their leader. I jumped at them and fought them off while Finn and Princess Bubblegum took Wendy out of the building. I kept fighting the task force soldiers. “No doubt they work for N.G.O.S!” said Colleen. She flew by one of them giving them a hard punch. Wendy and the others were surrounded by soidiers. “We can’t get by them!” said Finn. “Stand back,” said Wendy. She used magic to push them all out of the way. One of them shot me in the arm. The wound healed. “Motherfucker!!!” I shouted. I kicked him in the balls. I saw Bolin and Opal fighting them off. “What’s going on here?” asked Bolin. “Apparently more than we know,” I said. “You won’t know anything by the time we’re done,” said Kuviera. “Oh shit,” said Colleen. She shot an earth attack at us and I deflected it. “Arwing!” said Wendy. I saw it and we all got inside. “Start, start you piece of junk!” I said. It started and I flew us away. “Asami, follow them!” said Kuviera. Asami appeared in some kind of exo skeleton. I remembered all my lessons in flying a plane and avoided her. “Freeze!” said Asami, “You’re under arrest!” Colleen flipped her off but tripped when I hit the brakes. “Why are we stopped?” she asked. “The lights red!” I said. “THERE ARE NO GODDAMN RED LIGHTS IN A GODDAMN SKY CHASE!” she shouted. I started flying again. “Why’s she trying to kill us?” asked Bolin, “Um… why are you trying to kill us?” “She works for the c.i.a!” said Finn, “We’ve seen too much!” “Let’s not jump to conclusions,” said Opal, “We don’t know she’s trying to kill us.” “CAR!!!!” said Finn. “SHE’S TRYING TO KILL US!!!” shouted Opal. I avoided the car. “D-d-did you just put your blinker on?!” asked Colleen. “You gotta indicate your turn,” I said, “It’s the LAW!” “That. Does it,” she said. She took the wheel and flew faster. “Wait what are you doing?!” I said. She saw the task force soldiers and started shooting at them. “Woo!” said Opal, “Now that’s a sky chase!!!” Kuviera was following us. “Oh no,” said Finn. She was summoning two rocks and tried to crush us. “Hold on guys!” said Colleen. She used the boost. “We’re not gonna make it,” said Bolin. “We’re gonna make it,” said Opal. “We’re not gonna make it!” said Bolin. “We’re gonna make it!” said Opal. “WE’RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!!!” said Bolin. “WE’RE GONNA MAKE IT!!!!!” said Opal. We made it. “We made it!” said Bolin. “Oh fuck!” I said. We crashed into a building and landed on the ground. “Is everyone ok?” I asked. “Yeah,” said Wendy, “We’re good!” Colleen got out. “They’re coming!” she said, “Hide.” Kuviera looked in the ship trying to find us. “Sir, the ship has been brought down, but there are no signs of the bodies,” she said. “Then they’re not dead,” said Dimaccio, “Continue the search.” “Understood,” she said. I looked around the area to make sure we were clear. “They’re gone,” I said, “Now let’s get moving.” “Where?” asked Luna. “The lab,” I said.

[antiquecompass]

So I was HOPING to have 1 complete story and 2 complete ficlets done for @warriorgays birthday today. I don’t know why I plan on anything honestly bc whenever I do my family decides it’s time for massive Home Improvement Projects which take up my days off. I wanted to get SOMETHING up for Alex’s birthday though, so here’s a very long preview of the will-not-end superbowl fic:

A lot had changed in Babe Heffron’s life since 2004. His Philly family had lost a few members, but gained a ton between new babies, a hell of a bunch of in-laws, and groups of folks that just got adopted in along the way. In those years Bill had lost an entire leg, gained a desk job, finally convinced Fran to marry his foolish ass, and started raising three kids. Ralph was an actual <i>doctor</i> now, running one of the Thibodaux Medical Clinics just outside Baton Rouge. Maggie lived with Ralph and Sid in their own place in St. Boniface, working at the clinic there and forging her own path like usual.

 And Babe?

 Babe went from being a bartender to working an actual office job for Nixon Development. He had most weekends and holidays off and a 401k and an actual accountant to handle his taxes now. He was <i>married</i> for Christ’s sake. To a friggin’ <i>doctor</i>. In Louisiana of all places. If he could’ve gone back in time and told his teenage self he’d be settled down, far away from South Philly, with some Cajun doc he’d met during Mardi Gras, he probably would’ve punched himself. He definitely would’ve called Ron to take care of his delusional evil clone.

 And there was no way, in any of his wildest dreams, he could’ve predicted having Merl-Francis as his brother-in-law.

 He was pretty fucking proud of Shelton too. Boy had gone and become a Registered Nurse. They’d done so many study sessions in the middle of the night to past that certification test. They’d held a bake sale outside the clinic to raise the $500 fee just to take that fucking test.

 Merl-Francis got it done on the first try.

 So Babe definitely couldn’t complain about how his life had turned out since last February 2004. 2018, despite the hellscape that had become the world in general, hadn’t been too bad to him so far. He was cautiously optimistic about the year, after having gotten past the normal mourning days around Christmas. It was nearing his anniversary of meeting Gene and the Eagles were in the play-offs. So yeah, things were looking bright and shiny for Babe Heffron. Sure, he was waiting for Ralph to <i>finally<i> admit he was dating Maggie, but that was more fun to watch Spina struggle to come up with excuses for why he couldn’t hang out other than ‘I’m dating your little sister.’ It was amusing as hell.

 And then fucking New England has to fuck up the good year Babe had going for him. Honestly, he should’ve expected it from the Patriots.

 “You look like you’re fixing to punch the tv,” Eugene Sledge said as he looked up from his laptop. “Please don’t. It took Snafu three different trips to pick that one out.”

 “I had to compare the specs,” Merl-Francis said through a mouth of crab dip.

 Gene slapped him. “Close your mouth. Never could take you nowhere.”

 Merl-Francis glared at him. “We at home, Gene-Baptiste. Ain’t no one here not used to me.”

 “We still don’t want to see all that,” Gene said.

 None of the men present understood Babe’s pain. It was the fucking Patriots. Again. If only Ralph and Maggie were here, instead of being all responsible and working. They didn’t get it, this group of Saints fans. They didn’t <i>know</i>.

 “You don’t understand,” Babe said.

 Sledge shrugged and went back to working on his manuscript. “You don’t like the Patriots. A lot of people don’t. Andy’s probably the only one I know who does.”

 “No,” Babe said. “It’s a rematch of Thirty-Nine. I don’t know if I can take this shit again.” He stood up and went to the small kitchen medicine cabinet. “I need all the Tums.”

 Merl-Francis smirked at him. “You got such a weak constitution.”

 “Fuck you,” Babe said as he stepped over a sleeping Kipling.

 Babe’s phone started to ring on the coffee table. Gene reached for it and frowned as he looked at the screen.

 “What?” Babe asked as he shook a handful of Tums into his hand.

 “It’s your dad,” Gene said.

 “Well, answer it,” Babe said.

 “Good evening, Mr. Heffron,” Gene greeted as he put the phone on speaker.

 Joe Heffron sighed. “Gene, when will you just call me ‘dad’?”

 “Sorry, sir,” Gene said.

 His dad sighed again. “We’ll work on it. Where’s my boy? Eating a handful of antacids?”

 “Yes,” Gene said glancing over at Babe.

 Babe made a face at both of them. It wasn’t his fault his stomach didn’t like sports-event related stress.

 “Just like his mother,” Dad said. “Once he’s done choking down chalk, tell him to call me back. We need to know when he’s coming home.”

 “What now?” Babe asked.

 “There’s my boy. You’re coming home for the Super Bowl. You can’t celebrate it <i>there</i>.” Dad paused. “No offense, boys.”

 “None taken,” Gene said.

 “Bullshit,” Merl-Francis muttered.

 His father did have a point. There was just something about Philly fans being at home around other Philly fans. Look, he knew the reputation they had in the sports world. They were the most asshole of fans who did stupid shit like climb poles and flip over cars and throw batteries at opposing pitchers and fall into the penalty box to fight a professional hockey player and booed Santa Claus once almost fifty years ago. And sure things got so bad for a time there the Eagles Court had to be established to deal with all the shit happening at games, but that had been disbanded over fifteen years ago. Despite all that, there was nothing like being around that energy. Even with the actual game in Minneapolis, Babe had to admit that he couldn’t picture watching the game anywhere else but in his parents’ living room.

 “I don’t know if I can get the time off,” Babe admitted.

 Merl-Francis laughed. “You run that office. You can give yourself some days off. Take Gene with you, he needs a vacation.”

 “I have work,” Gene said.

 “Nope, you’ve got paperwork,” Merl-Francis said. “You don’t even practice much medicine anymore, running all the Thibodaux clinics. You got Anna, Renee, Sid, and Bryan to cover your shit. Take a vacation.”

 “You forgot Spina,” Babe said.

 “Ralph and Maggie conditionally asked for the time off if the Eagles made it to the Super Bowl,” Gene said. “I already approved their vacation.”

 Merl-Francis grinned from his sprawl on the couch. “They’ll be there, Mr. Heffron.”

 “I knew I could trust you, Merriell,” he said. “You and Eugene should come up as well. You’ve got to come see our city again.”

 Merl-Francis smiled like that had been his plan all along. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

 “Fuck,” Babe muttered as he threw another couple Tums into his mouth. He eyed the economy sized bottle of Excedrin as Merl-Francis started humming an off-tune version of <i>Fly Like An Eagle</i>. As he started on the second verse Babe reached for the bottle and reminded himself to pack it for the trip to Pennsport.

 <center>**********</center>

 There was a sold period of Babe’s life where he couldn’t go back to Philly. At first it was a question of safety. In the wake of Julian’s murder—and that’s what it was even if people still didn’t want to call it that—Babe was forbidden from setting foot in the city. He couldn’t explain that to his parents, didn’t want them to know everything about Ron Speirs’ more classified business dealings or the shit Babe sometimes got mired in to make an extra buck. And the more people who knew the truth, the more lives were at risk.

 After that issue got permanently resolved, Babe couldn’t return because of his own grief. It was funny, really. Babe’s grief was they excuse they used for so long while Julian’s killers were being hunted down, that even Babe forgot there was a world of truth to it. He didn’t know how deep the roots of his grief had grown, even after years, until he was asked to return to Pennsport and had an actual fucking panic attack.

 He couldn’t make himself get on a plane back then, so they drove, and honestly? Babe didn’t know what he did in his past lives to get Gene, but he was full of immense gratitude to whatever good deeds he accomplished back then.

 After overcoming that emotional hurdle, Babe made sure to visit at least twice a year. He’d just been there back in October to welcome the latest Guarnere into the world and hadn’t planned on returning again until May.

 Babe looked through the storage bins and the closet and realized he’d probably have to buy a winter coat while he was up there. The two he’d owned had already been claimed by Gene and Merl-Francis. Sledge, ever the Boy Scout, already had his own.

 “Well that’s a nice view,” Gene said.

 Babe laughed and wiggled his ass as he leaned over the bin. “At least there’s something you still like about me.”

 “I’m just with you for the life insurance and the tax break,” Gene said.

 “Figure out how you’re going to kill me yet?” Babe asked.

 “I figured with the amount of almond milk you drink I’ll just let the cyanide do its thing. Claim you must’ve got hold of some bitter almonds and made your own homemade glass of milky poison.”

 Babe looked up and had to laugh at the evil smirk on Gene’s face. “That’s horrifically brilliant.”

 Gene shrugged. “I needed something to do at the last board meeting.”

 Gene didn’t like having to play the businessman. He liked being a doctor, it was his calling, but they both knew how important it was to him to make sure lower-income and rural areas had access to decent health care clinics. It was a never-ending battle with local governments and the more religious members of the board who didn’t want to provide free contraceptives, pregnancy tests, or rides to the few Planned Parenthood clinics still in the state, but Gene always won. It was hard to argue with him when he got <i>that</i> look on his face and <i>that</i> tone in his voice.

 “Maybe you need this vacation,” Babe said.

 Gene nodded as he walked into their bedroom. “I was thinking about going down to five days a week too. Apparently there’s benefit in taking more than one day off a week.”

 Babe almost fell on his ass. “Did I just hear you speaking actual common sense?”

 “Fuck you,” Gene said with love.

 Babe grabbed an armful of sweaters and walked over to his open suitcase. “I know what this is about. It’s because you’re turning forty next year.”

 “Fuck you,” Gene repeated. He slipped his arms around Babe’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. “You got enough clothes there?”

 “Half of these are for you,” Babe said. He leaned back into Gene’s embrace and softly laughed. “And Merl-Francis. He’s going to have ten layers on. We’ll be able to roll his ass down the street.”

 Gene laughed in agreement. “Never could fatten that boy up.” His lips were warm when the pressed against Babe’s temple. “You happy?”

 It had been on those little traditions of theirs, to ask this, in the quiet times. The answers differed at times, but it was an honest question for an honest answer.

 “So much,” Babe said. He turned his head to meet Gene’s warm gaze. “So much,” he repeated.

 <center>**********</center>

 After the job that had cost both Bill and Joe Toye a leg a piece, they’d come back to Philly to stay. There had been some bullshit with the Department of Defense, even more with Veteran’s Affairs, and finally they’d just taken jobs with the Nixon Development Philadelphia office. Joe had been officially adopted by the Guarnere-Heffron-Julian-Spina clans. Fran and Bill had insisted Joe live with them, since their place had newly constructed ramps and handrails, and while it’d been a fight, Joe had finally given in.

 The Guarnere home was their first stop. Babe pulled their rental car up to the small strip of concrete that masqueraded as a driveway on the backend of the house. He had insisted on driving, knowing damn well his car full of backwoods country boys wouldn’t survive the trip from the airport without getting in at least three accidents. Babe smiled to himself as he got out of the car. St. Boniface was home, had been for a long time, but there was nothing like the old buildings and decorated front stoops of where he grew up. Green and white flags and Eagles logos decorated damn near everything as far as the eye could see.

 “Uncle Babe!”

 Babe braced himself as Juliana Guarnere came running down the steps at full speed.

 “You gonna dent the car,” Merl-Francis said from where he sat in the backseat, huddled up like he was about to trek the Antarctic. It wasn’t even that cold outside.

 Babe caught Juliana up in his arms and marveled at how tall she’d grown. Seven years old and already half her mother’s size. She had green and white hearts painted on her cheeks which clashed horribly with the faded orange and back Flyers t-shirt she wore.

 “Missed you, Julie,” he said, hugging her tight.

 She gave Babe another hug and then moved on to Gene before waving at Sledge. She frowned at Merl-Francis in the backseat.

 “Is he okay?”

 “He’s cold-blooded like his gator relatives. He’s just conserving his body heat,” Babe said.

 “I can hear you,” Merl-Francis said. He finally slid out of the car. “I assume there’s heat inside your house.”

 “Duh,” Juliana said. She grabbed Babe’s hand and tugged him towards the back door. “Come on! Uncle Joe’s making lunch. Uncle Ralph is supposed to be coming by too. Why didn’t he fly with you?”

 “He had his tickets long before we got ours,” Babe said.

 “’Cause he’s got more faith in the Eagles than you,” Juliana said.

 Babe laughed. “You sound like your grandmother.”

 Juliana laughed as they walked into the kitchen that smelled like ricotta and marinara. Joe Toye was balanced on a stool over the stove, slathering loaves of bread with butter.

 “Look at you all domestic and shit,” Babe said.

 Joe smirked at him and cleaned his hands on the bar towel resting on his shoulder. “I can’t cook much, but this? I’ve got it down.”

 “Smells good,” Gene said. He was looking at Joe with his doctor’s gaze, but probably only Babe and Merl-Francis knew it enough to tell. “Anything we can do to help?”

 “Yeah,” Joe said. “Get out of my kitchen. Go play with the kids. Henry’s teething, just so you know.”

 Juliana nodded. “It’s the worst.”

 “You weren’t exactly a ball of fun,” Joe said. He tugged on Juliana’s ponytail. “You going to stay here? Be my proper sous chef?”

 “Do I get first dibs on the sauce?” Juliana asked, a wicked grin on her face reminiscent of her father.

 “Of course,” Joe promised.

 “Okay,” Juliana said. She waved at Babe and Gene. “You know the way.”

 Gene led the other two out, but Babe lingered by the doorway.

 “Hey, Joe?” he said.

 “You about to start singing some Hendrix at me, Heffron?” Joe asked. “The baby wailing is enough noise.”

 Babe shook his head. Some things would never change. “Just saying, you look good.” He paused and added, “Asshole,” as a parting shot.

 “Watch your mouth,” Juliana yelled after him.

 Babe followed the sound of childish laughter to the living room. Bill Guarnere held court on the couch, little Henry is his lap sucking down a bottle and four-year-old Sofia laughing as Bill made funny faces at her, apparently more entertaining than the Bubble Guppies on the screen.

 Sledge was looking over all the family photographs on the wall, while Merl-Francis had claimed the chair closest to the heating vent. Gene was conspicuously absent.

 “Fran stole him,” Bill said.

 “Already?” Babe said. He held out his hands and took the baby and the bottle. “That’s got to be a record.”

 “We got a new big girl bed for Sofia and a canopy to go with it. The canopy is driving Fran up the wall.”

 “It’s has Elsa and Anna on it,” Sofia helpfully supplied.

 “And it lights up,” Bill said.

 “Jealous you don’t get one?” Babe asked. He shifted Henry in his arms, surprised how much he’d grown since the last time Babe had seen him, and tried not to make a face when he got spit up on.

 “Why do all your children do this to me?”

 Bill smiled, eyes tinged with memories from a lifetime together. “Maybe it’s just a Guarnere thing.”

[myassbrokethefall]

Your 792 chapter coffee shop AU sounds like a new art form. I really think you should take on this challenge.

I would just like to say, for the record, that I DO have a healthy embarrassment over (a) the fact that I wrote this and (b) how much time today I spent on it.

CHAPTER 1

“My expectation is we will not have something next season. It isn’t impossible, but the clock is getting pretty tight.”

Hear that? That doubtful voice, those killjoy words? That’s me. Sigh.

Let me introduce myself. I’m Gary Newman, and I work for Fox. That’s me explaining to IndieWire that SOMEONE got some facts confused. About MY project. I’ve only been working on it for months and months, and I was starting to feel like I was really getting somewhere – and now David Madden might have screwed it all up.

Here’s me again: “It’s not easy to find time. We would love to do it again, and I believe there will be a time when it happens, but it does not feel imminent to me.”

OK, PAUSE. REWIND. Let me start at the beginning.

David and I both work at Fox. He’s the president of Fox Entertainment, and I’m co-chairman/CEO of Fox Television Group. We don’t even know each other that well – we pass each other in the halls sometimes, but we don’t have that many meetings together or anything. Yesterday was the TCAs – only the biggest TV press event of the year. And David wanted to come present with me. I was a little doubtful at first – did he know my project? Hell no, not like I do. But I figured it would be good to have some backup up there. Everyone likes David M. He’s good-looking, 71, medium build, obviously does a lot of NordicTrack. Whatever. He’s all right. I don’t really know him that well, like I said. He has amazing eyebrows. Ugh, please forget I just said that.

Anyway. My project. What’s it’s about? Glad you asked!

Our network used to have this show, The X-Files. Back in the day, everyone loved it. And last year, I brought it back. (Well, me and my bestie, Dana Walden – we’re co-chairs/CEOs. We do everything together.) It took a ton of work! First I had to get the creator, Chris “Old Man” Carter, on board. He’s this eccentric guy who lives in a beach house and surfs all the time. He has longish hair, sort of like an MTV VJ. He was up for it. But THEN, I had to convince the show’s stars, Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny. Don’t even get me started on them. They are both weirdos. But, super long story short, they finally agreed to work with us. We did the show, and it did great! Sure, the plot didn’t make any sense and the emotional arc was nonexistent (that’s Old Man Carter for you), but everyone liked it anyway. (Except the AV Club, but everyone knows they’re dicks.)

So we – me and Dana – were going to do another season. Once again, we talked to Old Man Carter and he was all for it. I think he has a lot of free time. That’s cool. But you know who doesn’t have a lot of free time? David D. and Gillian. They are both super popular, and BUSY. It was kind of a miracle that they agreed to help last time. So I’d been working on both of them – slowly and carefully. Figuring out schedules. Proposing deals. You know, executive stuff. And – things were moving forward. Slowly. And carefully. We’d had some setbacks, but I was still optimistic.

Cut to yesterday afternoon. There we were at the TCAs, talking to basically every entertainment reporter in the US of A. I’m all ready with more cautious optimism – the last thing we need is for the press to get prematurely excited and start reporting that the new season is a done deal. That could screw up negotiations in who even KNOWS how many ways. So David Madden, who basically horned in on my presentation, is up there with me. And here’s what he says:

“Sure, the deal-making is complex, but we expect to have an announcement shortly. Heck, we were hoping to reveal it today! But the deals aren’t QUITE done. I’ll tell you this, though – it’s going to be way more than six episodes! Not as many as 22, but still a lot.”

What??!?!

Oh, OK. I’ve only been working my BUTT off to keep everything moving forward, this delicate balance, trying not to promise anything or step on anyone’s toes. Can I just tell you – I have woken up nights thinking about this. Worrying that Bryan Fuller was going to steal Gillian away to NBC (our big rival) to be the lead in a series about a gay shoe store on Saturn run by ghosts or something. (You probably think I’m exaggerating, but you haven’t met Bryan Fuller.) Worrying that David D. would decide to stop acting entirely because now he’s super into being a singer-songwriter. (Here’s a secret – and it’s kind of mean, sorry – David D. CANNOT EVEN SING. But you did NOT hear that from me.) Worrying that Old Man Carter will just disappear into the jungle one day and never return. (Actually that might uncomplicate some things, but you did not hear that from me either.)

So that’s what he said, and that’s why after the press conference I had to set the record straight. And so, I come off looking like the bad guy. Me, Gary Newman! I love X-Files! I’m the one who’s been working so hard to bring it back! I am so ticked off right now I can’t tell you.

Next day. Dana and I were at our after-work job. We work at a coffee shop called The Twentieth Cup. It’s a pretty chill place, a lot of execs and middle managers, some talent. You might think being co-chair/CEO of a major television studio would be enough of a time commitment, but I guess I’m kind of an overachiever sometimes, plus I like having that extra pocket money. I still get about three and a half hours of sleep, so it works out OK.

We had just gotten on shift. I looked around, and sighed when I saw who was sitting at her usual table near the door. Anne Simon is Old Man Carter’s best friend. She helped him with his part of the project last year. But sometimes she just parks herself at Twentieth and sits there with her laptop and barely orders anything. I swear, one day she had a single biscotti and a cup of water and she was there for my entire shift. And she used about 50 napkins. (She draws on them. Science stuff, I guess.) She’s OK, but she’s kind of a gossip. I was NOT psyched to have her there when I was still steaming about what David M. had said.

“I wonder if we’ll see you-know-who today,” said Dana.

“Who?” Sigh. I knew who.

“David M., of course.” Dana had a funny grin on her face. Oh, for pete’s SAKE.

“I do NOT want to see that guy,” I said, teeth gritted, and as quietly as I could manage so Anne wouldn’t overhear.

“Do you really think what he said was that bad? What’s wrong with getting people a little excited about more X-Files? We can definitely close those deals, eventually. Don’t you think?”

“It’s not going to make it any easier having the press up our butts about everything! Not to mention, what if it scares David D. and Gillian off? You know how prickly they can be about people just assuming they’ll do a project.”

“Will you relax? I doubt Gillian and David D. even pay attention to the TCAs.”

I sighed. Loud. Anne glanced over at me. I lowered my voice. “I just can’t believe him,” I said. “Why would he SAY that? He’s just so…so…”

“So what?” Dana asked, wiping down the counter. Dana is a great multitasker. Not to mention my rock.

“Ugh! I don’t even know!” I clenched my fists. I could see David M.’s face in my mind’s eye. That receding hairline. That smirk. Those EYEBROWS. I felt my cheeks flush.

“You know,” Dana said mildly, “for someone who can’t stand David Madden, you sure talk about him a lot.”

“Shut up, Dana,” I said, but my voice came out with less force than I intended. She grinned and went to put the rag back. “YOU brought him up!” I added, but even to my own ears I didn’t sound too convincing.

From outside, there came a faint sound of breaking glass. I looked up. An old GM EV1 had pulled up and collided with the streetlight, breaking one of the headlights. “Oh boy,” Dana muttered.

The shop door opened and David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson swept in, having a muttered argument. As usual, all heads in the place turned toward them, and also as usual, they barely noticed. “I’m SORRY!” Gillian was saying. “You can barely see that bloody pole. It’s tiny. You’re OK, right?”

“I should never have let you drive my car,” David D. grumbled. “They don’t even make EV1s anymore. I don’t know where I’m going to get a replacement headlight.”

“Just look on eBay! I’ll look for you. Someone will have one.” Gillian dismissed him with a wave of her hand. He rolled his eyes as they approached my register.

“Hey, Gary,” David D. said. He didn’t take off his sunglasses. Sometimes he wears them inside. I heard one of his pupils is bigger than the other one, which is crazy. Dana told me it was a basketball accident. Yikes.

“Hi David,” I said. “Hi, Gillian. What can I get for you guys?”

“I’ll have a large kale smoothie,” David said. “With double kale, please.”

“Double kale, you got it.” I nodded at Dana, who went off to the refrigerator. David was getting out his wallet, which was just a plastic bag with dollar bills in it that he had stuffed in his pants pocket. He started to uncrumple his money. I cleared my throat.

“Hey, so, you guys are still maybe thinking about doing the next X-Files, right?” I tried to sound super casual. I THINK I pulled it off.

“Perhaps,” Gillian said. She was speaking in her British accent. Sometimes she’s British, sometimes American. It’s called bidialectical and it’s a real thing, I swear. Gillian has a new British boyfriend so she’s been speaking British more often lately, and dressing fancier, and talking about the Queen all the time and stuff. (Her new boyfriend is SUPER into the royals.) She glanced at David D., then back at me. She has an intense gaze. I looked away first and fiddled with the cash register buttons, waiting for her to say more, but she didn’t.

“Sure,” said David. “If we have time.” David D. is more laid back than Gillian – most of the time – but he can get contrary if you come on too strong. He went vegetarian a few years ago when he was working on a book about talking farm animals. (I know. It was a good book though.) He’s not preachy about it though, which is cool. He handed me 14 dollar bills, mostly straightened out.

I glanced over at Dana, who was working on David’s smoothie. She made a face.  

“How about for you, Gillian?” I asked, turning back to her.

“I’ll have a cinnamon caramel nutella whip frappuccino with COLD whole milk, please. With chocolate sprinkles and some kettle corn if you have it. And a slice of that flourless chocolate cake, and this bag of pretzels. Thanks, Gary. Oh, and could you make the drink a double shot? I have to write a whole novel by tomorrow.” I raised my eyebrows. Gillian likes to stay busy, all right. (That’s half the problem.)

“Sure thing,” I said. “I’ll bring it over to you guys.” They nodded and grabbed a table in the corner. David pulled out a battered paperback and Gillian plunked a laptop onto the table. On the other side of the cafe, Anne Simon was tapping something intently into her phone.

(No, David and Gillian are NOT going out, and never have, or if they have no one has told ME about it at least. You wouldn’t know it sometimes though by how they act around each other. Sometimes it’s like they’re married, and then they won’t talk to each other for six months. Like I said – they’re weird.)

I was breathing a little easier. They weren’t bubbling over with enthusiasm or anything, but at least they didn’t seem ticked off by what David Madden had said. That was a relief.

Speak of the devil – I had just gotten back to the counter after delivering David and Gillian’s drinks when the bells on the door sounded again. I looked up, and there he was. David Madden, Fox Entertainment president, wearing a white button-down, dark brown Cole Haans, and a smirk. He met my eyes and I felt the flush creeping up my cheeks. Damn it.

He settled at a table not far from the counter. David D. and Gillian didn’t notice him (of course), but Anne did, and I saw her reach for her phone again.

“Hey, David,” Dana called out. “The usual?” David M. smiled and pointed finger guns at her. Ugh. Who does that?

Dana prepped his regular order, which is a large coffee, black, with extra sugar. (That’s David M. in a nutshell.) She put it on the counter, then looked at me.

“What?” I said testily.

She tapped the counter in front of the mug. “Gary, come on,” she said. “Bring it to him.”

Dana is my bestie, AND my rock, but sometimes she drives me absolutely up a wall. “Why?” I asked, hoping Anne couldn’t lip-read. “What makes you think I want to talk to David M.? Now or like, ever again?”

In answer, she just turned away and started loading the dishwasher. I sighed loudly, again. I picked up the mug, made my way to David M.’s table, and set it in front of him. He looked up when he saw me, lifted his amazing eyebrows, and smiled.

“Hi,” I said.

TO BE CONTINUED*

*EXCEPT NOT REALLY

Disclaimer: This is silliness, silliness, and silliness again. No harm or offense is intended to anyone parodied (even that is a stretch for this ridiculousness) here. Please don’t punish me by not making more X-Files. (Or by suing.)

Also I have no idea how old David Madden is or whether he does NordicTrack. He does have cool eyebrows though. 

[winstonhcomedy]

“Dope A-F” - 4/12 - 4/18 - “This Doesn’t Feel Good Anymore”

Laydees and baybees I can’t lie to you. I have been having a really tough last few weeks with my mental health. Honestly I think I am an imposter and don’t deserve to be doing any of the shows I have been doing. I’ve been struggling at work due to a lot of increased crisis/stress situations, comedy has gotten to me, and a lot of other stuff I don’t really want to divulge on the blog. I am writing this because Monday was the rock bottom of it. Since Monday I have started to come back. I’ve been focusing my energy on positive things, and really working through some actual issues I have. II feel renewed, and I know even when it is tough I have a lot of amazing people who care about me. I know this is a super long and probably never-ending journey, but I am going to do everything in my power to not succumb to it like I did Monday night. Thanks to all of my super understanding friends/loved ones. You are amazing and I love ya a bunch.  I might start talking about my mental health in here more often because this blog is extremely therapeutic and cathartic to me. I mean it when I say I love all of you, and just wanted to thank anyone who has ever read this. Thank you so much. 

SO WITH THAT SERIOUSNESS OUT OF THE WAY! Let’s get to catching up this lovely little blog. So let’s do it!

4/12

I legit could not have been more happy for a work week to be over. I had a half day at work and was just so mentally and physically exhausted I felt like I was going to die. 

I was going to be doing an opening spot in front of Chris Alan at The Southern. He was headlining a show in the main room and we were all super excited for it. The lineup was going to be Alex Castagne hosting, then me, Brandon Beswick, Paige Campbell, and then Chris closing it out. 

It really started to fill up after we got there. A lot of comics came to hang out like Kenn, Jake Snyder, McCallie, Keaton Ray, Abdulla, Sean Wells, JR, and some others. We also had some of the fans of the local scene out for the show. We sold about 120 tickets which is an incredibly huge deal. 

The show starts and Alex goes up and has a good hosting set. We can all tell the crowd is tight for some reason. They are definitely shying away from race material, and honestly they aren’t giving Alex what his jokes deserve. He does well though and gets some big pops. He then brings me up.

I hated this set. I didn't do poorly, but I wanted to slaughter so bad. I was dumb and tried to do race stuff to try and win them over. My first two didn’t do well at all and then I went into other material that killed and then back to race and it worked better. I don’t know I feel like I screwed myself so I was crazy upset. I didn’t bomb, but I didn't kill. I had one of the better sets, but still I could have done better. I’d give this set a C+ or B-.

Then Beswick went up and they were a little tight for him to. He definitely won them over and the show continued to build. His closer hit super duper hard so that was awesome to see (especially since he worked it out at Host Battle). 

Then Paige went up and did well also. The only thing he lost them on was his chunk on trans people. It’s not an offensive chunk of jokes, but people are just weird about that topic. Other than that it was a solid lineup. 

After him Chris went up and absolutely destroyed for an hour. He did a bunch of new, and didn’t care what the audience thought. They loved it though and showed why he is such a great comic and integral part of the scene here. 

After the show we all hung out for a bit and caught up with those that came to the show. I was starting to feel terrible and in my own head so I decided to go back to Lucy (Sam Padgett’s gf) place with some of the guys and chill for an hour. We did that and it was super fun, but I just wanted to leave and get some sleep. So I did. I went home feeling awful and passed out. Ready for the next day.

4/13

The next day was ok. Depressed most of the day, but the good news was I got to spend it with my dog and family before heading into town. There was just an open mic this night. It was going to be at Intermission Beer Co. It is one of my favorite mics, and is always a good hang. There is usually a pretty ok crowd, and they're a little older and white, but it’s a good group of people to learn how to work. It is a room that James Muñoz started, but Jacob McFadden runs it almost every single month. I ask for a spot and around 5 I head into town.

I get there and as I pull up so does Jacob and his gf. We talk and I help him bring the equipment inside. As the night goes on more and more comics show up. Bryan Williams is there ( and he is incredibly sad and frustrated, Liz Carr (who is going to be the new host of the show after Jacob moves), Aaron Shoemaker, Ben Oliver, Jack Gerow, and then bunch of new comics including this dude who kinda looked like Drake. I don’t remember his name but it was his first time and his family came with him from Stafford to watch.

The show starts and it is just incredibly weird. No one is really doing super well. Most of the audience stays but no one can really crack them open. Jacob got some laughs and seemed to have them on board, but as the night went on it was just bomb after bomb after bomb. Including Bryan Williams who I named the Eeyore of Richmond comedy. He bailed early on his set and was really in his feelings. We talked about his set afterwards and he will be fine.  They don’t always go well, and sometimes you got to switch stuff up, but you should never ever bail on your time. 

Eventually I go up and I have a really fun set. I do some newer stuff, and some light crowd work. The best part is the audience is really digging it. I’d give my set a B or B+ but I definitely had one of the better sets of the night. I got laughs all the way throughout and I felt pretty good about it. 

After my set I stuck around until the end and just hung out with everybody. Most everyone else dipped out, but Jacob/his gf joined me at Buffalo Wild Wings. We had a blast, ate a lot of food, and got a huge dessert. It was a super great night. He then showed me Moe Singleton’s rap album, and I realized it was something I had to talk about at Host Battle the next night. It was an incredibly fun night, and stayed my depression for at least one day. I still had the weight of my week on my back, and I could tell that I was close to losing it. 

I headed home and got a good night of rest before the next day. I knew I had Host Battle, and I was super worried about the attendance of that show, and how it would go. The last time we did it in Richmond my good friend Keith Marcell had a breakdown and threatened to kill me and Chris. It ruined the show, but also it was one of those things where he was having a bad time and couldn’t keep it together. With everything I have going on I worried I would lose it, but I can usually table that stuff until after I get off stage. I got home ridiculously late, and passed out. I needed some time to think, and I got it thankfully.

4/14 

I used my day to pretty much do nothing. I helped around the house, spent time with my dog, and just lounged around until I came into town for Host Battle.

This was the premiere night of Game of Thrones, there was a huge storm coming, and honestly Sunday night shows in Richmond are usually pretty poorly attended. 

I get there and use the next hour or so to get everything set up. I move the tables and chairs to where I want them, get the lights and sound right, and wait for everybody to get there. As we inch closer to showtime I realize this is going to be a poorly attended show.  Other than the comics on the show Mu Cuzzo, Paige Campbell, Alex Castagne, LE Zarling, Moe Singleton, Rebecca Hyman, Nick Deez, and Brandon Beswick there was maybe 6 or 7 people there. They weren’t huge laughers and this was going to be a long show. IT ended up being a blast even though no one was really killing. Hopefully it was productive and fun for everyone involved. I’d give this show a C-. 

Chris and I riffed up top and got basically nothing. I was in a bad mood and just trying to hold it together. Paige did ok, and so did LE. LE had a good story about her new house and there are definitely places she can go with it. Alex set was a ton of fun and so was Mu’s. Mu was super nervous but he ended up having a blast. It was Paula his gfs birthday so we wished her a happy bday and hopefully it was a good time for her. 

Nick had a good time and so did Rebecca. We got some good laughs out of their sets. Then Moe came up and his was the set of the night. We talked about his engagement and busted his balls. WE talked about his hip hop and I even played some over the speakers. Honesty this is why I love the show. Even when it is bad it is fun to do, We closed with Beswick and he had a good one too. Honestly this was as good as the show could have gone. I packed everything up and headed out to pass out. It was a super fun time, but I was officially done mentally and had started to feel super sick. I think my allergies were kicking my butt as well. I went to sleep and ended up calling out of work the next day because I couldn’t take it. 

4/15

The next day I enjoyed my day off from work. My allergies were killing me but I wanted to make sure I got to get a set in. So later that night I met some friends for dinner at Texas De Brazil to celebrate Jacob moving. Alex, Beswick, Jacob, Buhse, his gf, Braman, Nate Izquierdo, Clay Shoaf, and Francesca Lyn all came out. It was a super fun time, but I wasn’t feeling really great by the end of it. I then drove to Charlottesville for The Southern.

This is when I hit my low point. I don’t know why, but depression hit me hard on the ride up there. I got there and honestly talked to people for a bit, but I just wanted to head home. I grabbed my backpack and told Chris and Paige I might head home. I was not in a good headspace. 

I took some time to myself outside, and Brandon came out. We talked for a bit, but then everybody came outside and it made me feel super anxious. I headed back in and just decided toot really talk to people and just do my set. I was going up next to last so I had to sit through a lot of comedy. It was incredibly hard to be there, but I did it. I slowly started talking to people again, and tried to not let my poor mental state get to me. 

When it was finally my turn to go up I made myself do super new stuff. Stuff that I really wanted to try, and I had a very fun set. There are some good nuggets in there. The show was lightly attended but the audience was into it. I’d give this set a C+/B-

The only problem is I felt so bad that even doing well sucked. Like it didn’t feel great at all. This was a lot of personal/family stuff, mixed with mostly comedy/work stress, and feeling ill from my allergies all rolled into the worst night in a long time. 

After the show I got to talk to my friends about some serious stuff, and had several people reach out to me which made it so much better. Paige and I had a long talk about depression on the phone and honestly it made a world of difference. I am very happy I have friends like him and Chris and everyone I talked to that night. It meant the world and honestly after going through that I felt like I was on the right track to feeling good again. 

I know mental health will always be a work in progress, but with each and every day I truly feel like I am building to being a better person and in better control of my anxieties/depression/issues. So thanks again. I think writing about this stuff when it happens will allow me to be vulnerable and will help me process when my brain lies to me. I went home, passed out, and got ready to go back to work.

4/16

The next day at work wasn’t easy, but it was way better. I had a better attitude and simply talking to people about it, and taking a day to get better physically and mentally made a huge difference.

I immediately felt better about everything, and I loved seeing the kids at work even when they were upset or frustrated. I love these dudes, and that’s why I keep doing it. 

My show this day was in Arlington at Busboys and Poets at Shirlington. Allan Sidley runs this room and I was going to be doing about 8-10 minutes on it. I was happy he booked me. He had told me that this crowd is usually pretty PC so to bring some woke jokes I was nervous about this. I know I can work any crowd, but recently I had been wanting people to like me for the material I love, and not just the stuff I know will work for them. So I had to really think about my set. 

I get there and I was the first comic on the spot. I did some writing and just hung out for a while. The room started to fill out and it was going to be a nice diverse crowd (I’d say 60/40 white to black split, and about 50/50 men and women). They had sold 50+ tickets, and then they had some walkups which was nice. So the room was pretty full by the time the show started.

Allan got there and we chatted a bit. His mother was at the show, and he seemed pretty stoked about that. We had a nice talk and then the other comics showed up. Nathan Luft, Ralph Cooper, Blaire Postman, and Tommy Taylor Jr. This was a super dope lineup even though Nathan is the only person on the show I know pretty well.

Allan goes up and does a fine hosting set. He goes a little long, but he is just trying to crack this audience. After him is Nathan who had biked 7 miles to get there so he had to change in the bathroom into his show clothes. He goes up and does pretty well. He has to try to crack them too. They are getting looser, but they do seem to be pretty PC.

After him is Ralph Cooper and he starts super strong. He has some stuff about race that hits really hard and was cool to see. He had a couple of spots that dipped, but other than that he really had them with his race material. It was awesome. They seemed primed and ready.

Following him was Blaire Postman and I had never seen her before. She was super high energy and really connected with he female portion of the audience. Everyone enjoyed her, but she had some of the ladies dying. It was fun to watch. It had me excited. I wondered if I could follow this since I had decided to not go the super woke route, and just do my material. 

I go up and absolutely slaughter. It was a hot ass set. I was supposed to do like 10 and I never go the light so I did about 15. They loved everything I did. I didn’t have any dips, and the best part is IT FELT GOOD TO DO. It felt so good to really connect, and be through that mental shit I was dealing with. I felt like I belonged. After my set I said my goodbyes and headed home. It was a nice 2 hour drive, and I got to catch up with some friends on the phone on the way home. I loved it I’d give this set an A-/A. 

4/17

The next day I decide to go check out Clash of the Comics and possibly be one of the judges if they need one. Then afterwards is Home Sweet Home.

I get to clash and put my name in for Colby Knight who is coming from Lynchburg. He rode with Jake Snyder, and Alex Castagne came out to perform as well. I was told I could be the fourth judge but was asked if I was ok with one of the other people who was judging. I told them that if they were judging I’d rather not be involved. I’d still stay for the show, but I just wouldn’t want my name attached to it. That person was told and they decided to leave the venue and not to be a part of it. So I ended up getting to judge anyway. 

We were having a great hang before the show. Stella Naulo (a new female comic who is eager to learn/work) came out to support and there were plenty ion other comics on the show or just chilling like Big Scotty, Tank, Remo, Tony Harris, and then a bunch of new comics I’ve never seen before.

The judges were Brock Hall, Dylan Vattelana (who was also closing out) and myself. We get situated and fill out our scorecards and the show gets started.

It was kind of a weird crowd and the show did not start out hot. The first few comics were super new and did not do well at all. They couldn’t hook the audience and the presentation wasn’t there. The first really good set was Alex Castagne. He got the crowd and did his material. It all hit and he closed strong.

Big Scotty had a strong set as well. Then there were a few more bombs in there. Jayron had a hot one and Tony Harris also killed. It was actually some tough competition this month. The next few comics did pretty poorly and the crowd was ready to be done. We went to the back to add up the scores, and gave them to Liz.

She went on stage and announced the order. Jayron came in third, then Alex was second, and Tony Harris won. It was a crazy close vote. Good to see all of them do well, and that bodes well for clashes in the future. After the show I said goodbye and headed to Home Sweet Home.

I get to HSH and there is an actual crowd there which was amazing. There are new comics and they are actually doing well and a lot of my buddies are there chilling. Kusterer, McFadden, Stella, Jesse Jarvis, Danny Dunlea, Tom Hall, Liz Carr, Kate Carroll, and a bunch of others. 

I watch a few comics and get my set ready to go. When it is my turn I get brought up to a classic Jacob McFadden intro. “This next comic sometimes does this really offensive character and he pretends to work at a school for autism, but he really works at a WaWa.” So I went up and ran with it and went through my new stuff. Most of it worked. I got some good responses and made a solid impression. I felt good about this set. It was productive and I am feeling good again while on stage. I’d give it a B. 

I then went downstairs and just talked shop with everybody. We riffed new bits, busted balls, and just had a blast. It was a super fun night and I stayed until the end of the show. I needed a night like this. It is so good to be able to pull through this mental and physical shit. I am on my way to a better place and nights like tonight remind me of why I do this.

4/18

This is one of the nights I had been worried about for a while. I am closing out a show at Kindred Spirits. I need the stage time. I love the opportunity to do a longer set, and I like doing shows outside of the city. It is unpaid (we are benefitting St. Judes), and I don’t really know any of the other comedians on the show (other than Alida Harper). 

I invited Stella the previous night to come check it out. She was curious about crowd work and what it was like to work different rooms. I figured since there were no shows it could be a good opportunity to check it out. 

I got there pretty early and just kind of unwinded and relaxed. I could tell this was going to be a more country show with a bunch of white people. It was a super nice brewery out toward Goochland. The set up was great and although I don’t really drink the beers looked and sounded amazing. 

The show runner was this guy named Mike Ward. He used to do comedy in RVA a long time ago. Long before I started and he pursued it pretty hard. After that didn’t work out he got the opportunity to run a monthly benefit show here and decided to go for it. So he books some active comics and also a few of his friends who haven’t really done standup before. So I am very nervous about this show.

I meet the other comics who are super new and then Alida shows up. She is pretty nervous about this country suburban crowd and I am getting the vibe it is not going to be good.

The audience doesn’t even look like they are there for comedy because there is a dude playing sad music for an hour. A great musician, but not really setting the mood for comedy. Then St. Judes sets up a donation table which includes I giant vinyl poster of a bald child suffering from cancer. Which also does not bode well for comedy. 

Everybody on the show is super nice. It is an ok sized crowd. Apparently one month they had like 100+ people there, and this month it was closer to 30 to 40 which is ok. 

Stella shows up to check out the show and her and Alida hang out while we wait for it to get going. The dude who is in charge fo the St. Judes thing gets on stage to start and he just talks about the charity, and raising money. He then proceeds to get an audience member on stage and shows people how to get donations. He asks the dude if he likes kids. The guy says yes. He then asks if the guy likes cancer. The guy says no, He then asked for 1000 dollars. The guy said no. Then he tells them, “Oh so it sounds like you hate kids and LOVE CANCER,” It was one of the cringes things I have ever seen in my life and a bad way to get donations. 

Then Mike goes up and does about 20 minutes, but the first few he is talking about he charity some more. So the comedy show had been going on for 10 minutes and it had all been about kids with cancer. 

The comics each went up and a few did ok. A dude who did comedy with Mike from year before went up first and he did alright. Then a guy who was brand new went up and did about 30 minutes. He told stories, and it was not good at all. He had an audience member be a plant, and that bit didn’t work at all. Then this other newer guy Kent went up and he had a fine set. Half of his stuff worked, but no one was really destroying.

Some people had started to leave, and the rest of the audience seemed restless. Every time someone mentioned people not donating the St. Jude’s guy would just scream they were “MONSTERS”. It was getting ridiculous. There was also a dude who brought his two kids with him. He also clapped when a comic said, “we all know a c**t”. 

Alida is nervous but she goes up and has a fine set. She is definitely the best so far. She had their attention and got some actual good pops on her material which was nice to see. She responded to a few hecklers and got some good lines in. It was a successful set, and fun to watch.

Then it was my turn. By this point I have my set ready, but I know I am just going to do crowd work. I go up and I just start working them over. I talk shit about how I’m not getting paid, and how no one has donated. The guy yells monster and I shit on him. I talk about how everyone should donate but not the way that dude said to donate. If you do what he did people are just going to wish you have cancer. This was risky but got a huge laugh.

I am having an awesome set. I talk to the guy who brought his kids and wife and talk about him being dad of the year, and shitting on him. It kills as well. I start working the front two tables, and they love it too. There were a couple of dudes in the front I talked to like they were a couple and they ate it up. I made fun of a lady who was a marketer and asked her to do marketing for this show so people would show up. Turns out she did, and she was embarrassed. So that was great. I also went in on the guy who did comedy for the first time and ran the light by 30 minutes. 

My set went on for about 20 minutes and I closed with one joke. I was proud of this set and I’d give it an A-. I got paid in beer that I will just end up giving to a friend, and I got some follower on IG and I got people to donate money so that felt dope.

After the show I got to meet a bunch of people, and got a lot of compliments. I got to give out some business cards, and got to kind of unwind after my set (I worked my ass off and was sweating by the time it was done). I then said goodbye and got to talk comedy for a while after the show with Stella. Her head is in the right place and she wants to work hard. I love when new comics are at least determined to get better. I then headed home and passed out. I have to go to DC the next day and I’m nervous as always. 

CAUGHT UP AGAIN LAYDEES! Nothing can stop me. Not even my. weird feelings. I am through it now and will be fighting everyday. You are all the best laydees and baybees a guy could ask for. xoxoxo until next time sweeties!!!!

[theartofblissfullydrowning]

Day One: Part 3

Do you know that sometimes I looked at you while we were playing games or you were driving or out somewhere and thought “you know, maybe we could be together. Maybe I need to lighten up a bit?” I’d see you in a different light. It would catch me sometimes while we were laughing about things. I wish you would have stayed a bit to see that video I sent you. It was basically us. Every time I saw you with Alex or Kelsey. I just remembered how it was in the beginning for us. And we talked about that before you left, about how it was a love story. I wish it never ended the way it did and that we ended up living happily ever after. I had no idea how much you loved me until your mom told me you’d always tell her about me and she asked about me all the time. That broke my heart. No one loved me the way you did, you know? I knew that’s why you always hated to see me with other guys. And I really hated to see you with other girls, too. There are things that will always be just ours. 

I wonder if I was on your mind that night and how I would handle things. You knew how attached I was to you. I know you were probably in a different state of mind at the time but I wonder what your last thoughts of me were. I’m sorry I didn’t respond when you messaged me. I have a lot of guilt over that. If I would have been there we could have talked. I hope you didn’t feel like I was ignoring you. I hope I wasn’t a part of this. Hopefully, though, you knew I really loved you. Really, no matter what was happening, all we had was each other, and it was so hard to get through the past few months without you. You were the only person I would really to with things and you weren’t there. You were the reason my heart was broken this time. And then Tee went the day after you and I always thought you’d be there for that. 

I loved you so much and I’m so sorry I didn’t show you that enough before everything happened. But I think you knew. we were both stubborn as shit. We were in other relationships and hated it. I feel like you never connected with Kelsey or Alex. I never really connected with Bryan or Mark. But in all of that we were still there together. They all knew the role we played in each other’s lives and they knew that if we had to decide that we’d choose each other over them. That was the biggest thing with us. You never made me feel like you would choose someone else over me. 

And then you always looked after me and I never gave you enough credit. I remember when you drove all the way to my house after you heard I was in the psych ward for feeling suicidal. And you brought me some of my stuff back but I turned you away. That was so wrong of me to do and I’m sorry. I lost my job and had nowhere to go and you took me in and said “we can figure out rent later”. No one has ever loved me like you did. 

And now I’m the one left to carry on all of our memories on my own and live for both of us. It breaks my heart every time I see you offline for so many days on Steam. It was just 200 the other day I looked. It put a quantifiable measure on it. 200 days without my best friend. 200 days that I’ve been here alone without you. I see games that I wonder if you ever played that I know you would like. I see games that have just come out that you would have loved. You’ll never see the next Elder Scroll or the next season of Game of Thrones. You won’t be at my wedding. (Which was maybe supposed to be our wedding.) But still I feel your spirit in me talking to me when I need someone or just in the back of my head telling me you’re proud of me for things I’m doing now or telling me to be careful with things just like you used to . 

I miss our talks and the memes and the nonsense. I miss having someone to go to when things happened. I miss having someone to vent to about everyday things.I miss having someone to escape reality with and laugh with. I miss the way you smelled and the way your sheeps and pillows smelled when you’d give them to me when I slept on the couch. I miss the margaritas and board games and Neely and Mark Gormley and doing the time warp with you. I miss playing songs on uke and guitar. I miss just laughing. It means a lot to me that I was able to share that with you and that we were able to have so many good times even if the only people we really had were each other. 

That was the hardest part for me. That it was just us. We were the only people we had. We were like twins. We had our own language and so many inside jokes. No one has ever been like you were to me. I’ve never had a best friend for that long and have never been closer to someone or had someone understand me as much as you did. That’s why this hurts so much. I don’t know if I ever will because with us it was so effortless. 

I still have so many sore spots but they’re healing up. It doesn’t mean they won’t still hurt or remind me of you but it’s the little things that remind me of you. So many things. Something every day. Even stupid little things. Memes, songs, words, things everywhere. Every day it’s like I say goodbye to you again but you’re still here in some sort of way. Part of me tells me you want me just to move on and be happy again. That’s what you said in our last conversation, that we’ve all had our low points and that I’ll be in a different place soon but I had no fucking idea how low it could fucking go until you left. I thought I knew sadness, I was a little experienced in grief, but never to this level. I still sit there on the same spot on my bed I was in when your mom messaged me. I remember I had just made some dumplings. It was about 1:30pm on a Wednesday. I had just brought them in my room and sat down and hadn’t taken a bite and your mom messaged me and I was immediately concerned but I jumped and called her as soon as I got that message. My mind immediate went to you had either died or had gone missing and she hadn’t heard from you. And I called her and her voice sounded shaky. I said “what’s going on?” and she said “Kyle passed away.” A knife went though my fucking guts. “What? How?” “He hung himself” She was trying so hard to keep from breaking down. I said “thank you for letting me know” and I sat there in shock for a while. And then I screamed. I texted Bryan to let him know. He was at work. I ordered beer and got smashed and cried and screamed and punched things. Bryan was a little upset. I thought about killing myself too that night because the pain was unbearable. I looked for Derrik online but he hadn’t been on in a long time. I was fucking frantic and a fucking mess. The most I’ve ever been. And I so much wanted to call you or message you or see you because I was so upset because you were the person I would go to and you weren’t there. And then I woke up hungover as shit the next day and Tee couldn’t walk and wouldn’t eat which was her favorite thing to do so I knew it was her time too. I had to take her to the vet and couldn’t even remember what year it was becuase nothing seemed real. It was a double edged sword because I just wanted you to be the or to message you and just let you know because she loved you so much and you loved her too but every time I would pick up my phone to I just had to remember you weren’t there and realized you were lying on some coroner’s table dead. My best friend. My world. My love. Dead. Cold. Alone. 

The first few weeks were a blur. All I did was cry and not sleep because I was terrified to because I was afraid of nightmares or even just dreaming of you and waking up and not having you there. Luckily I had one person there I could talk to who sort of looked after me and we’d only been talking for about a week so it was a lot to dump on him but he got me out of the house and was there and really supportive of me. 

I don’t leave the house now. I can’t drive without thinking of you. I’ve had to drive the roads I used to take to your house and stop myself from breaking the fuck down. I’ve thought about driving to the houses you lived in and just sitting there in the driveway or parking lot and just pretending for a little bit that I was coming to see you and that everything was okay again, just for a moment, forgetting what happened. I’m glad I never went to your house you died in because I probably would have gone there, too. 

It’s been really hard for me to get close to anyone since then. As I’m sure you know. It was never easy before you left. Neither one of us really bonded with anyone other than each other. I’m glad I got to meet Derrick and I hope you really know he came all the way out there and said that was never how he wanted to meet you but that he was glad he was there. I met David, as well. I think I remember you telling me about him. And if you’re still around like I know you are that you know what happened with that and I’m sure you laughed about it but both of us were so broken up and your mom was worried about him and wanted him to be safe so I guess we both just got our minds off things. But I’ve lost friendships and alienated people because of how I am now. I get too drunk and act too obnoxious. You never cared because we always did it together, but I don’t think I ever broke down and screamed at you or sobbed my face off in front of you. You would have never let that happen. 

I wish so much that you were still here. Like I said, I wish I would have messaged you back that night when you messaged me. Not waited so long. We used to joke about offing ourselves all the time but I never thought you’d actually do it. You could have called or messaged me again. I wonder why you didn’t say goodbye. I wish I could see what led up to that or what you doing and thinking. I hope you went out knowing I loved you more than anyone else in my life. I’ve looked at our last conversation so many times and it was probably the most beautiful one we could have had, recounting our friendship and everything. And our whole story. AND how beautiful it was and how we’ve both grown in the past 5 years. I still remember your last few things you said to me. That we were meant to evolve and write our stories. I know that’s what you would have wanted me to do  and I hope you would have done that too but you saying that to me as one of the last things is why I”m still here.

These days I know I have to keep living for the both of us. I have to keep living and keeping our memories alive so they don’t die. I have to carry on your memories. I’m glad I took so many photos of you even though you hated it because I can still look back at all of those moments we shared and have tangible evidence and can look back and put myself back in every one of those moments for a second. From when we went to the strip club with our Blu cigarettes feeling cool with our $12 to the day I found that wedding dress, to our trip to DC, to you calling me on messenger, or us sharing margaritas, and I still have all those videos you hated about you getting the sock out the fan. You hated them but now that’s the only way I can hear your voice and hear your laugh. 

And you know I fucking hated Alex and I still absolutely despise her now. I’m not blaming anything on her but she did not treat you like you deserved to be treated. She didn’t appreciate you. I never really liked her. She was way too young and immature. She was obnoxious and she tries to play it off like you two had a nice time before she left you that night. If she wasn’t so concerned with her friends she wouldn’t have left. Your mom said the two of you got in a fight and I believe that more than anything. I don’t think you did what you did for absolutely no reason. There was something that set it off and I feel like she was a precipitating factor and how she acted at your memorial service was awful and no one like her. And I was the only one to stand up there and actually say something about you. I read my letter and so many people came up and hugged me like I was your family. I basically was. Derrick wanted to get up there but he said he couldn’t and I understand why. I was anxious and it was so fucking hard but I had to do it because of the days we’d talk about how you’d be the only person at my funeral. I know you’d do the same for me. So many people told your mom that my letter really touched them. I have no idea how I was able to get up there and do that but I feel like you were with me that day and you allowed me to be strong, but do you know how hard it was to sit there after all the guests passed by and go look at my best friend reduced to nothing but ashes in a box? And now ashes that sit on my book case? 

I hope you’re proud of me. I know you don’t want me to hurt anymore and you feel a lot of regret over it just in the way that it hurt me and upended my life. It sounds selfish but I know that if you knew how much I’d endured that you wouldn’t have done it, I just know you weren’t in your right mind that night so you didn’t think about it. As much as you don’t want it to hurt it always will. You will always be a part of me. You will always be the one who loved me and knew me the most. Your love was the most unconditional that I’ve ever known. I didn’t even know how deep it was until your mom told me you’d talk about me all the time and she always knew what was going on with my life. 

You have no idea how much I miss you every day. I wear this moonstone ring on my finger in memory of you. I’m going to get those thieves guild shadow mark tattoos we always talked about getting together. And those last words you said “we were meant to evolve and write our stories”. I’ll have the money to do it now with my new job. Maybe I can get them to mix your ashes in with it so I can always carry you with me. 

[learning2loveyou-blog-blog]

Here We Go Again ... The Schmelzers are Adopting!

Ever since that phone call came for Brooklyn, our lives have been full of more joy than we could have ever imagined. She is constantly making us laugh, amazing us with her understanding of the world, and reminding us that family and love is all that will ever really matter. Brooklyn has brought so much purpose and love to our lives, that we started asking ourselves two years ago if it was time to add another baby to the mix. Of course, we were both on board, and we started the journey of what we thought would bring us another baby. 

Part 1 - Infertility Specialist

In the fall of 2015, I accepted a job as a teacher in Ankeny. It was great to have the opportunity to come home and teach in my hometown, and the decision has brought so many blessings to our family. Brooklyn is thriving at her daycare, we have access to many resources/activities, and we are just a crossed town from my parents. One amazing blessing that came to our family with my new position was access to great infertility insurance. Neither Bryan nor I had this benefit with any of our prior job positions. With the access to infertility insurance, doors were open that we could have never made happen during Brooklyn’s adoption. We had access to an infertility specialist, so we decided to explore this option. We felt it could either bring us a baby, or at least some answers as to our reasons behind our long history of unexplained infertility. 

Our time with this infertility insurance was long, and not exactly fun. They quickly discovered that I had a softball size cyst, and I was in for my first surgery one month after starting our journey with the specialist. (This would be a recurring theme for us... for a later post). After the cyst was removed, the specialist was confident that our infertility issues may be resolved. We were sent on our way to see what may happen...

Nothing happen. So about nine months later, we were back at the specialist. Additional testing showed that the cyst had returned, and our likelihood of a pregnancy on our own was slim. The decision was made about one year into our journey with the specialist that Invitro Fertilization was likely our best and only option. 

Part 2 - IVF Process

We started the IVF journey in October of 2016. It naturally began with lots of meetings, testing, and training. We had to meet with an insurance financial advisor and the nursing staff to learn about the process. I had to undergo some testing and IVF prep procedures to prepare for the process. We knew the process would be intense, but neither of us was prepared for what was in store.

I began the IVF stimulation shots over Christmas break. The process started off great, and I had a ton of energy. However, as the process continued I started to have a lot of pain and discomfort. Blood testing and ultrasounds confirmed that my estrogen levels were too high. The egg retrieval was scheduled early in hopes that the round would not be lost. 

The day of the surgery went well. The doctor was able to retrieve 12 eggs. However, the transfer was canceled due to my estrogen levels still being dangerously high. I was given two full rounds of iv fluids to help my levels return to normal. The doctor was sure that I would be fine to return to work the next day if I took it easily. 

Naturally, I went to work the next day.... because why not! Half way through the day, I realized something was wrong. I was miserable and in a ton of pain. I decided that I must have tried coming back to work too soon, so I went home around lunch to rest. By dinner, the pain was worse and I wasn’t able to keep any fluids down. To make things worse, I had gained 30+ of water weight in a day. After a call to the doctor and some testing, I was diagnosed with Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). Basically, the shots had caused my levels to get dangerously high, and the result was the sudden onset of the bloating. The cure.. rest, time, and pain pills to help manage the pain. Our doctor made the call that my transfer needed to be postponed until all my symptoms of OHSS were resolved, so the eggs were frozen. (At this time, only three had survived the fertilization process... for another post). 

During our break, we were dealt another blow to our IVF process. Due to the mess that came with the Collective Bargaining Agreement this winter, we learned that my school was dropping all infertility insurance coverage effective July 1st, 2017. By this time it was the middle of March, I was just starting to feel better.  After a quick, and very panicked, call to our infertility specialist, our fears were confirmed. We would likely only get one, maybe two, attempts to an IVF transfer with this quickly closing July 1st date. We decided to go for it...

Our transfer was on March 31st. With the closing end date of our insurance, we decided to transfer two of our three embryos that survived the fertilization and freezing process. (Yes, it is typical to lose as many eggs as we did in this process.) After a very long two-week wait post the transfer, we got the news we had always dreamed about... WE WERE PREGNANT!

Part 3 - Ultimate Heartache

After the pregnancy news, we were floating on air. It was a happiness beyond either of us could have every imagined. We had our beautiful Brooklyn, and after six long years of hell, we were pregnant. In literally our last chance, God had performed our miracle, and we were going to have another baby... curiously due the week of Christmas 2017. 

My pregnancy was wonderful, and I loved every minute of it. My belly was growing, and I loved the feeling of knowing our miracle baby was finally here. God had finally, after years and years of prayers and tears, given us a pregnancy. My blood work was phenomenal, and the doctor was happy with how everything was looking. All we had to do was eagerly await our first ultrasound. 

That date came on May 1st, and I remember how nervous/excited both Bryan and I was. We kept asking each other if we thought it was multiples and what in the world we would do if God gave us more babies that we could even dream about. It is so silly now to look back at us in the moment, our worry was how many babies we would have after transferring two embryos. Little did we know, our biggest blow was just about to come.

I knew immediately something was wrong. I could read that nurse’s face instantly. She kept turning the sound on and off as she looked for a heartbeat, and she would mutter to herself. After the longest minutes of our life, the nurse told us that she needed a moment to consult with the doctor. We knew... we weren’t being blessed with multiples, we would be leaving with none.

It took about ten minutes for the doctor to come into our room. I remember just sitting there numb. Telling myself that this was a dream, and everything was going to be okay. The doctor was going to come in and find the baby. But, when he did come in, he didn’t even try. He just confirmed to us that I had likely miscarried. The baby was measuring just over six weeks, and I should have been closer to eight. He scheduled a follow-up ultrasound for one week later in hopes that things would change. 

That week was just awful. I knew in my heart that the baby was gone, but the shots, medication, and the hope had to remain. There was still a chance the baby could be okay, and we had to go for it. Our follow-up appointment was the following week, and the news was confirmed. Our miracle baby was gone. To make matters worse, it was the middle of May. The nurse confirmed that another transfer would not be possible before our loss of infertility insurance on July 1st. Our journey with the infertility specialist was done. IVF was done. I officially miscarried the following week. 

Part 4 - Following God’s Plan for Our 2nd Adoption 

Throughout the journey, Bryan and I had repeatedly had the conversation on when we would pursue adoption again. Before we even met with the specialist, adoption was always an option we both agreed we would happily pursue. Adoption brought us Brooklyn, and if God wanted to bring more babies to our life through adoption, we would always, always be open to it.

Besides always being open to another adoption, Bryan and I had two conditions that we knew would be our signals that it was time to be done with infertility treatments. The 1st was my health. If at any time my stomach got bad again or I had reached the limit, I had full control on how long I would put my body through the painful testing and shots. The 2nd signal was our insurance coverage. We would pursue to infertility process for as long as we had the coverage. If we lost insurance, we would be done.... and that is exactly what happened.

So here we are... at the start of a new chapter in this journey to our family. Coincidentally, on the week that we should be announcing a pregnancy, we are instead standing strong and announcing a growth in our family. In honor of the baby that we have lost, and the baby that will someday be joining our family through the adoption process, we announce the Schmelzer family will be growing.

Please join us in the journey of a Schmelzer Adoption! 

[jeninthebooks]

I was having trouble thinking of a way to start this post. The thing is, that last weekend was so, so special to me, and I didn’t want to sell it as less than it was. I guess I will start by saying that prior to going to Portland, I thought that my weekend would consist of me barely seeing my host family & taking a lot of Lifts.

That was not the case AT ALL. I began to realize that my trip was going to be different, when I was at the gate for my Southwest Airlines flight. I don’t know how familiar you are with Southwest, but I had never been on a flight with them before. The only reason I was this time, is because Emily had arranged my flight for me. Let me just say that it was life-changing.

From the minute I got to my gate, I was inspired. There was free WiFi & a stand for you to charge your phone (this helped me with my Thirteen Reasons Why binge). There were also these interesting columns, that I would come to learn were for organizing yourselves in a queue to board the plane. WHAT?? YOU DON’T HAVE TO STRUGGLE THROUGH A MASS OF PEOPLE TO BOARD?? CRAZINESS. I will say that I started to worry when I heard the announcer say that there were no assigned seats… I freaked looking at my boarding pass like something was wrong. I found articles, that basically told me that my seat, was a terrible one to have (end of the B group).

My fears were set aside, when I was able to find a seat at the front of the plane, between two women. I didn’t have to sit by a creepy dude (sorry to all the non-creepy dudes out there, but this is an actual fear I have. I am also sure there are many creepy ladies as well.), and was near the font, so I could get off the plane quickly. Also, let me just go back to the airline hosts for a second- outside of the plane (while you are waiting to board) and on the plane itself. They are amazing human beings! They are funny and put you at ease, real quick! They don’t seem to hate their jobs, and genuinely seem to like people. Even if they don’t, they are incredible actors.

I was also able to find a spot for my carry-on easily. THEN, when it came to the end of the C-group, there was a gentleman, who found a spot at the very front for his body, but didn’t see a place for his carry-on AT FIRST. Amazingly, he was able to switch some other’s bags into different containers (which nobody seemed to mind) and was able to fit his in, in three moves. No joke, EVERYBODY cheered for him. When the plane landed, he helped everyone in the vicinity, locate and hand them their bags. Way to go, stranger! Needless to say, this was an amazing experience. I really didn’t mean to write 4 paragraphs, on Southwest, and maybeeee this should have been a YELP review, but it was such a great opening to my weekend and needed to be shared. Everyone worked together and although, it was a bit of organized chaos, it was so so great to see such kind people willing to help each other out. It was like being on that plane created an instant bond-comparable to what Emily Arrow does, every time she brings people together. 

Smooth transition, am I right?? :) Emily surrounds herself with the best people. I always knew that, but somehow, it wasn’t really ingrained in my brain, as it was when I entered Zoey Abbott’s home. Let me start by saying that the only Lift I took the entire weekend was to get to Zoey’s home. For those of you who don’t know Zoey, she is a soon to be published illustrator, who also worked with Emily on Little Red Sled!

The minute I stepped into Zoey’s home, she was in host-mode. I also want to say, that i had LATE flight. I didn’t get to her house until a little after midnight. I was expecting to be shown to wherever I was sleeping and maybe see her in the morning? NO. Zoey wanted to know how my trip was, if I wanted wine (which she doesn’t even drink), water, if I wanted to look at picture books…it went on and on. She was incredibly funny and so lovely to talk to. I also probably bored her to death with my Kevin Henkes story. I am not trying to diss on LA hosts, but it was so enlightening to see how pumped Zoey was to host and how she didn’t seem to care what time it was. I don’t think that would have happened where I live and I was so grateful.

The next morning, after sleeping in my OWN ROOM, I was treated to a homemade breakfast! I got to meet her adorable and intelligent kids and their awesome dog Carrots. After, Zoey drove her daughter, illustrator Alison Farrell (look for her book, Cycle City in 2018!), her son and I to an amazing little restaurant called, Por Que No? If you need a recommendation on what to eat there, I had their fresh jamaica, and a Bryan’s Bowl with carne asada and chips. It was so delicious! I also loved that they had equality and “welcoming of all” signs posted everywhere. Furthermore, the thing that I keep telling everyone, when they ask me about my trip is that, they had an umbrella stand that said something to the beat of, “borrow an umbrella while you wait in line”. That still blows my mind. In LA, those umbrellas definitely would have been stolen. It’s a sad fact, but it’s the truth. We have a Little Free Library outside of Vroman’s and within the first couple months of it’s existence, someone had vandalized it. The umbrella stand was just something that showed me a huge contrast between Portland and home.

After getting to see Emily & her life mate, Alex (for the first time in months) and meeting all these wonderful new friends (Kate Berube, Karyn Lewis, Diane Adams & her sister, Danielle Davis & Deborah Hocking), we headed to Green Bean Books, which is a treasure in itself. Here is a photo of most of us, outside the store!

& here is a photo of some of us inside the store, with bookseller extraordinaire, Earl & author, Ashlyn Anstee!

We were tasked with the job of finding a book that best represented ourselves. I wish I could remember what everyone picked…the ones that I do remember, included: Hug Machine, The Lost House, Happy Dreamer, I Don’t Like Koala, This is Sadie, Love Is, Lyle Lyle Crocodile, and Chester’s Way.

Then we got a chance to discuss them all, in Green Bean Books’ wonderful patio. Here are some of the wonders I encountered while out there:

I just loved that everywhere you looked, there was something beautiful to behold. Also, Earl is an amazing bookseller. There were times, I felt like I was being put to shame because of all the new books he has managed to read! He definitely knows what he is talking about. If you are ever in Portland, I hope you get a chance to talk books with him!

I would also like to take a moment to mention that all of the awesome authors that joined in this weekend, all have super cool books out, or will be out shortly. Please see the following works of genius:

Kate Berube (inspired the Hannah & Sugar song)-My Little Half-Moon, out May 2nd! She also has the books, Hannah & Sugar & The Summer Nick Taught His Cats to Read

Danielle Davis-Zinnia and Bees, a middle grade novel, out August 1st!

Alison Farrell-Cycle City in 2018. It’s too early for info/art for it yet, but follow her on insta to *hopefully* see some in the future!

Ashlyn Anstee (inspired the No, No, Gnome! & Are We There, Yeti? songs)-Are We There, Yeti? and No, No, Gnome!, are available for purchase now!

Deborah Hocking-The Great Henry Hopendower, out June 6th! She also has the non fiction book, Build, Beaver, Build! available for purchase now!

Diane Adams (inspired the Two Hands to Love You, and Love Is, songs!)-Two Hands to Love You, Love Is and many more!

Zoey Abbott Wagner (inspired the Little Red Sled song)-Twindergarten, out June 20th & Oregon Reads Aloud, available now!

We also got to go to a lot of other cool food places during the weekend, including Pip’s Original Doughnuts (I would recommend their “The Dirty Wu”), Random Order Coffeehouse & Bakery (where I had the best chocolate cream pie) and Fire on the Mountain (in which I tried their El Jefe Challenge and failed miserably).

Do you see my little book and pencil, that I got from Green Bean Books in the photo above??

& NOW, ON TO THE REASON WE ALL CAME TO PORTLAND:

Emily’s Manager Oahn & Karin put together an incredible launch for her 2nd album, Storytime Singalong Vol. 2! Here they are below:

If their faces look sad, it’s because Emily is saying the most wonderful things about them on the other side of this photo!! #TeamArrow is a force to be reckoned with.

The launch was held at the Freemont Theatre and was just a perfect venue! Karin did so well with her choice! I’m going to try my best to explain, why this event meant so much to so many, including myself. Personally, I am so proud of Emily. She is only a little older than myself, and yet has created her own genre of music, her own business, is following her dreams and recently bought her own house. Seeing her perform her second album at the Freemont, was just the icing on the cake. I think everyone was a little teary at some point during the day. A lot of the authors present, had worked with Emily at some point and were hearing their songs live in front of a crazy big crowd. You can see it for yourself here:

It was so crazy, that at one point there didn’t seem to be a clear pathway. If you haven’t checked out Emily’s second album, it has some wonderful songs on it. They are:

Anything Can Be A Song

Explorers of the Wild Song

Hannah and Sugar Song

Be A Friend Song

Nana in the City Song

We Are Enough Song

No, No Gnome Song

I Love You Already Song

Don’t Hide Your Magic Song

Two Hands to Love You Song

And you can buy it now!

I know this post is incredibly LONG and that it seems like all I am saying is that PORTLAND IS AWESOME, EMILY IS AWESOME and ALL THESE AUTHORS AND PEOPLE ARE AWESOME. Let me tell you, THAT IS EXACTLY what I was trying to say. I just had so many words that I wanted to get out, in order to say exactly that. Could this have been edited? Probably. But hey, this is my blog. I want to thank you so much for reading and I hope that you get to hear these songs, read these books and visit this amazing city. I loved every second that I was there and with these people and won’t forget it or them. <3

Love,

Jen in the Bookstore

**A special shout out again to Zoey for hosting me, Oahn and Karin for arranging this whole thing, Emily for getting me there, and Zoey and Deborah for making sure I only had to take 1 Lift the entire weekend. **

Jen in the Bookstore Goes to Portland; How Southwest Airlines, an Emily Arrow Album Launch & a Bunch of Kind Portlanders Made My Weekend  I was having trouble thinking of a way to start this post. The thing is, that last weekend was so, so special to me, and I didn't want to sell it as less than it was.

[littleliv1]

I Was Born To Love You- Part Two

Hey guys! I’m getting great feed back from my previous posts and thank you all so much for it! I’m taking requests and prompt ideas so just lmk what you’re looking for!

Summary: Leah and Austin are growing further apart, but she meets the guys today, and becomes their assistant as well.

Warning: slight angst, kissing, but that’s about it

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It was weeks later, and Austin started to come home later and later. Always with a different excuse, but backed up by Shelly, and always came home smelling the same. I stared to dread coming home, but I did because I knew I’d get to be with my baby, Lola. Whatever he was going through, I knew it wasn't something I could help with. And it hurt so bad. He stared to get physical. There were marks on my arm from him grabbing me and throwing me against the wall. I started to question who I was truly married to.

I loved work, though. Today was the day that I got to meet the cast. And, from what Mr. Singer has told me, they were excited to meet 'the best assistant that one could have'. It was 5 am. I got up, looking next to me. Austin was passed out. We had a nice night last night, one that was definitely needed. I knew he was getting worse, but I still loved him. I kissed him on the shoulder as I got up to put a shirt on. I grabbed my cloths for the day, my phone, and went to shower.

I wanted to make a good impression on the cast. Being a very hot day in California, I wore navy blue, black, and white shorts, not too short so I didn't look sleazy, but short enough to show off my tan legs. I also wore a low cut, loose fitting tank top with a sports bra, but grabbing a light jacket to cover my arms. I put my hair in a ponytail and let the natural curl do it's thing. I slipped on my tennis shoes and left. It was 7 am. I always left the house at 7 am. I grabbed coffee, the usual, one iced vanilla late for me and one straight black for Mr. Singer. I drank all of mine before I got to the staging area. They hadn't began filming yet, but they were just getting a feel for the vibe of the movie, going over lines, things of that nature. I showed up at 7:45 am. Right on time, like usual. I sped walked into the building, meeting Mr. Singer as he sped walked, handing him his coffee. "What a delight to see you this fine morning, my dearest friend." I smiled at the word friend. Stacy never called me her friend. "You too, Mr. Singer. How was your weekend? You hadn't called or anything on Sunday, I assume you didn't need anything?" I asked him. He laughed a bit. "My darling, why would I have called you on a Sunday?" He asked. "Enough with 'me' talk. Let's talk about the guys." He said, both still speed walking. To where, I weren't sure. I just followed.

"Alright," I said. "I'm asking you this because I trust that you'll be honest with me." He stopped, so I stopped. He turned to face me. "I know you're my assistant. And you're a damn good one, my dear. But there aren't many things I need much help with. So you wouldn't be doing much other than getting food and coffee. How would you feel about also assisting the boys?" He asked. My eyes widened. "As in?" I asked. "As in Gwilym Lee, Ben Hardy, Rami Malek, Joe Mazzelo, as well as Brian May and Roger Taylor. I know it's a lot, they're not high maintenance and they tend to do things for their own, but I'll pay for 6 times the amount we pay you now, one time for each person. I know it sounds like a challenge, but I think you could do it, but only if you want to." He said. I laughed, almost in disbelief. I stuttered at first. "Y-yeah, Yes! Yes! I'd love to! This is amazing, thank you so much, sir!" I said as he pulled you into a hug. "Call me Bryan, love."

I stared walking again. I was staring at the ground, smiling so big. This was amazing. And it was your honor to serve the legends that are Brian May and Roger Taylor. I could only imagine, though, how much of a prick they might be. Wow I'm pretty nervous. He stopped at a door, looking over to me. "Do you need a moment to compose yourself, darling?" He asked, smiling. I kept a straight face, shaking my head. I remembered what Stacy said, that if i didn't remain professional I'd loose everything. "Alrighty, then." He said, opening the door, the six of them stood there.

I had never heard of any of them besides the two. They were all, so, surprisingly handsome. "Good morning once again boys, this is Maleah, your new assistant, also long time queen fan as I've understood." He smirked over, looking at me. My face turned bright red, as I refused to make eye contact. I knew if I did, I'd lose my mind. But there they were. They all shook my hand, introducing themselves. They were all so kind. I noticed a pair of light blue eyes that munched resembled mine. Bryan handed me the clip board, there were a list of things to get done for them, not at the fault of them, of course, but the list was lengthy. I didn't mind, though. "Don't worry about getting everything done today, I want you to spend the next few days getting to know them. You'll find that at the end of the week, you'll have done everything on that list." He said to me, turning to the rest. "As for all of us. Get to know each other. You will all be spending a lot of time together. We start filming next Monday. But, we're flying out to London." That word trailed off in my mind.

'I'm so sorry, Maleah. Your Mum and dad passed in the wreck." I heard the doctor say over the phone. I fell to my knees, crying, as Austin cried with me.

"We are starting at the Live-Aid performance. On your free time, study that performance. Watch it thousands of times. Memorize what your person does, when, and how they do it. Mr. May and Mr. Taylor, please follow me as we will start with our own work" He said to the two older men. I looked up at them smiling slightly. Roger pulled me into a hug. "Welcome, Love. So glad to have you with us." He said, as Brian hugged me as well. "So so glad to have you, dear." He said.

'Holy shit! That just happened!'

I was still in awe until I heard a deep British voice chime in. "Big fan of queen, yeah?" The tall one named Gwilym said. I looked at him, nodding my head, slightly smiling. "Well don't be shy, Maleah, tell us about yourself." The blonde one named Ben said, patting the chair next to him. You sat the clip board on the coffee table, sitting down. "For starters, call me Leah. What do you want to know?" I asked. I wasn't sure of how to respond, it wasn't normal for my bosses to know personal things about me. The one named Joe raised his hand. I giggled slightly as I raised your eyebrows. "Do you have any animals?" He asked. I smiled. "Why yes I do. She's a German Shepherd named Lola." I showed them my lock screen of me, Lola, and Austin. Rami took the phone. "This is too precious. Is this your husband, or brother, or?" He asked. I looked slightly down and slightly shameful. "My, uh, husband." I said. I could feel the tense atmosphere in the room. But Joe broke the tension.

Hours had gone bye and we were cracking up listening to stories of the most embarrassing moments they've had. I started to get slightly hot after laughing for so long, so I decided to take off my jacket, forgetting about the marks on my arm. Ben took notice of it, while the others were laughing at a story Gwilym was telling. Ben and I made eye contact as I slowly pulled my jacket back up. "Well, mates, I'm going to show Leah where all of the important things are, if that's alright with you guys?" He asked, giving a thumbs up for confirmation. I inhaled slowly knowing I'd have to explain to him what happened. They all said it was fine and that they needed a break from laughing so much. Ben and I started walking throughout the studio, walking outside. It was silent for a few minutes.

"So," He started. I looked up at him. "Are you gonna tell me what those are?" He asked, raising an eye brow. I looked down. "I don't know what you're talking about." I said quietly. He stopped me, gently taking off my jacket. "Love, what are these?" He asked, lightly running his fingers over the bruise. It felt nice to be touched in a non-sexual and non-abusive type of way. It made me feel warm inside. Comforted. "I wouldn't suppose you'd believe me if I said birth mark?" I asked, turning my head. "If they were you wouldn't have put your jacket back on. Tell me what happened, if you're in trouble-" "No!" I snapped. He wouldn't  understand that my husband is very ill, that there's something wrong with him, and that I can't leave him. I calmed down. "I'm not in trouble, I just-" I trailed off. "I don't know." I said quieter. He sat me down on a near by bench.

"Talk to me. What's going on?" He asked. I knew he cared, which was nice of him, but it raised slight fury in me; it wasn't any of his business what was going on. "Don't worry about it right now, please. If it because an issue, I'll tell someone, maybe, it's just complicated. Please don't say anything." I begged, gripping his arm. He looked down and smiled at the sight. He nodded, looking back up at me. "I won't. But if I see more after these it's going to become an issue and I'd hope you'd tell someone." He replied. I let go, nodding your head understandably.

After the day was over, I went home, not surprisingly, with no one else there. It was about 8 pm, I was pretty late. I was hungry and didn't want to wait on Austin. So I cooked some Mac and cheese, green beans, and left over spaghetti from the night before. After I finished eating, I watched some TV with Lola. She had her own place next to me with her head in my lap. About 15 after 10, I got tired of waiting for him to come home. I wrote a note to my very late husband saying how I fixed him a plate and put it in the microwave, and how with the new job working for all of the guys now I'll probably get home around 8 or 9 every night now. I signed it 'with love' and went to bed.

I woke up around 4 am to Austin climbing into bed. Unbelievable. I faked being asleep. I could feel his eyes staring at me. Instead of cuddling up to me, he just took more blanket and went to sleep.

Once I got home from work that day, Austin was actually home. I smiled at him. "Hello, darling," I said. He was leaning against the table, something was wrong. I grazed my hand over his back. "Everything alright?" I asked. He gently batted my hand away. He nodded his head. After a moment, he turned to me.

"Can I make dinner tonight?" He asked. "Well, sure, if you want, I really don't mind it," I said. "No, you spend all day everyday working for, men, just to come home to work for another. When only one of those men respects you. I'll make your favorite food." I giggled. "My actual favorite food or my favorite dinner?" I replied, smiling. "Your actual favorite. Popcorn, root-beer, and the newest season of 'say yes to the dress'." He replied, sniffling. I could tell he had been crying. I smiled. "You're so sweet, my love."

I cupped his jaw with my hand, giving him a gentle kiss. "I'm thankful to come home to you." I said. He pulled my hand from his face, kissing your palm. He popped the pop corn as I turned on the tv in the living room. Lola got on the couch to join me, sitting right next to my side, like she had been the last few weeks. I saw Austin coming and I motioned her to get down. The show hadn't started yet, so I decided to take this time to talk to him. "Talk to me, love, anything new going on at work?" I asked, muting the TV.  He shook his head, drinking a beer. "Any new bands about to start their first tour?" I asked. Again, no verbal response, just a shake of the head. "Well, I have some pretty exciting news to tell you," I said. He looked over at you. "I'm going to London next week, and I think we will be gone for 4-6 weeks." I said. I knew it was a shock, but I was hoping he wouldn't be too mad. "That's nice, dear." He said looking at the TV, unmuting it. He finished the beer he had just opened, just to get a new one. I started to feel a pit of shame forming in my belly from the rejection I felt by my husband.

I hope you are enjoying this serious as much as I enjoy writing it. Again, any requests, shoot me an inbox and I’ll get to it! Thank you loves xx